30 Jun 2007
foundations by kate nash - brill...
zaza at 10:54 pm
tako beanytaha had his head shaved.
ill post up a pic,
when i can be ar*ed finding the cable.
'taha wherd ur hair go?'
'woh wash ho gayay hain'
zaza at 3:15 pm
29 Jun 2007i feel anxious, impatient.
almost as if i want to rush into everything.
i want life to fast forward like a video tape (that is soo not creative)
im staring right into the eyes of destiny.
yet everything is so far away.
almost like its another world.
zaza at 11:34 pm
zaza at 11:31 am
28 Jun 2007to the whole world, i portray myself as something that i am not. to myself, im a whole new person. to the world you are just one person but to me, you are the world.
zaza at 6:19 pm
this is just a random picture of Albion Street.
as you can see, the weather is "lovely" and grey.
cant stop sneezing etc - hayfever - errkkkh.
zaza at 12:48 pm
27 Jun 2007im tired. my eyes have swollen again.
She fell in love in East L.A.
To the sounds of the guitar,
played by Carlos Santana'
im gaining weight like anything.
everyday i think 'ok im not eating now'
and i eat twice as much...gahhhhhh...
zaza at 7:29 pmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
zaza at 6:14 pm
26 Jun 2007dont say a word.
zaza at 11:58 am
And everything persists
In their brutal little orbits
I do not say a word
I do no good, nor do no harm
I let the world rotate
Revolve round me, us?
Let things happen
At their ideal pace
Is it ever so perfect?
admire his mystery and desire
please quit crunching my insides.
'last call for alcohol - Marques Houston'
'he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows everything' John Mayer
zaza at 11:10 am
25 Jun 2007
wOrds - by nimkozabhattiosky.
Happiness, feelings of lust
Maybe it’s love
States of mind,
At odds with life
Life, dream, visions
Slipping away, crumbling
‘I’m fed up’
Misled, almost dead
Fury, anger, haste
zaza at 5:58 pmWould you know how I feel? If you knew how I felt, would you care? If you cared, would you run into my arms that have been open for a long time now? If you ran into my open arms, would you say you’re sorry for taking so long? If you said you were sorry, would you let me cradle you in my arms? If I cradle you in my arms, would you give me that ring? If you gave me that ring, would it be okay for you to have my ring? If we exchanged rings, would it be ok for us to wear them on our thumbs?
Jo tujh mei hai woh hawaish hai meri
Jo mujh mei hai woh tu hee batta
Urdu poetry is lammmmmmmmmmmeeeeeee but I can still attempt writing it, though its pathetic…….
I feel a bit miserable right now, not too much though. I dunno. Weird stuff is happening. I refuse to communicate with anyone in person and they don’t seem to care. Even if they did, it wouldn’t matter. I’m being strong, I’m trying, and I really am. I just wonder how long it will be till we can claim forever and I'm still waiting…alright hand me another drink…
zaza at 12:23 am
23 Jun 2007An angel was falling from the sky. I know his name but I don’t want to tell. Little children stopped playing in the streets and ran home. Mothers stopped cooking meals for the family and just stared at the skies and the falling angel. Everyone froze in their tracks and watched him fall from the heavens. Everyone was certain he would die. But isn’t death a knife that is cutting our lives bit by bit? Death is for everyone. We are sitting on branches of trees and these branches are gradually falling; even the strongest branches have to fall at some point. This angel was granted life and he fell right in my arms and let a loud sigh escape his mouth. We both began to share our regret. We both talked about our life experiences and how they have made us into who we are today. We began to shed tears and spoke about our fears. We got lost along the way; he got too caught up in their web of lies. But we were guided by the light again and almost got blinded by it. We held hands, claimed forever and we were whole again.
zaza at 10:21 pm
22 Jun 2007
Life. With another man.
He smiles, tells me I look beautiful and inches closer. I can’t let him touch me. I am for you and if you couldn’t have me, then no one can. I hold up my hand and turn the other way. He laughs and asks me what is bothering me, whether I am scared of whatever would happen tonight. I remain silent. I feel disgusted and sick but say absolutely nothing. He probably thinks I’m missing my family, having no idea that they were greatly missed by me even when we all lived in the same house. Your thought saddens me because when you realized, it was too late. I told you not to let go. I told you I had to speak to you. I tried talking to you but you would not respond. But I was helpless and couldn’t do anything to stop this; I was forced into marrying into this ‘good’ family, all of who’s members are ‘God fearing and pious’.
Reality is extremely inconsiderate and unforgiving and you’re probably aware. I stare at a spot on the wall in front of me and let the tears flow freely; not caring if my makeup is being smudged all over, not caring if I sound like your black dog who now resides in Heaven. He tries putting his arms around me but I push him away. He feels weak but doesn’t know what to do. I don’t blame him; it’s not his fault either. He doesn’t know what is troubling me and I can’t tell him. He will mock me and tell me I’m being foolish, that everyone loves and loses. He will continue talking, telling me about the many times he loved and lost, though I won’t be paying any attention. His words will flood my ears. Even then I won’t look his way. I know I won’t. I know myself too well now. I won’t tell him about you because he will call me a liar. He will say that I’m dreaming things; that such things don’t exist, upon which I will smile and he will probably get really annoyed.
I will weep but even then I won’t allow him to come close to me, despite the formal commitment through the grand wedding. His wedding, it wasn’t mine because I was forced to go along despite not wanting to; because you went away and I was left without a choice. I will tell him about my reality; that I am dead and I no longer exist in soul, that my soul was taken a long time back, that I was crushed in the most brutal way. He does not care though; he says I am his now, I belong to him and whatever has happened must be forgotten.
You still drive me crazy and I crave to land on Mars. This is all too much. I cannot take it anymore. I run to his kitchen, find the sharpest knife and stab myself 3 times. I die in person too, and wait for you to look up at the sky and start missing me.
zaza at 10:21 pm
21 Jun 2007
free stylin'a rose fell from the sky
i held out my hand so i could catch it
as it dropped
my heart stopped
the thorn pricked my finger
and life began to linger.' - by zazafeefus
'what are you trying to make me realise?
youve got ears but cant hear my cries?
are you silently killing me with your silence?
are you trying to blind mE, or close my eyes?
im so scared that i cry and shake
wait paitently hoping my heart doesnt break
what are you trying to do?
i know for a fact that this isnt a mistake.' - by zazafeefus.
"The things we wont do for love
Id climb a mountain if I had to
And risk my life so I could have you
You, you, you, you, you, you...
Everyday Im psychoanalyzed
For my lover for my lover
They dope me up and I tell them lies
For my lover for my lover" - Tracy Chapman, For My Lover.
ahhh! horse manure and dung?
zaza at 8:38 pm
life oh life
You are driving me nuts
Absolutely up the wall
And very much insane
The feeling is mutual
You don’t like me
(That’s an understatement)
You really hate me don’t you?
Well so do I
Our hatred works both ways
You control me
You can let me go
But not me
I can’t let you go just like that
I have my family to think about
And that friend of mine
(I’ve just got one)
The things you make me swallow
When I just want to puke them up
You dominate me and
Choke me with despair
Force yourself upon me
Day after wretched day
When all I want to do
Is rest my soul in peace
zaza at 5:24 pm
20 Jun 2007
dogmayes i lose it completely. sometimes.
theres a reason behind everything.
i dont drink.
i dont smoke.
i dont socialise.
i need to do this.
i need you to do this.
i hate things.
i love some and im never giving up.
people who go against the Truth get crushed.
whats stopping you?
zaza at 11:44 pm
My eyes bleed
My eyes hurt
My eyes yearn
My eyes speak
They tell stories
My eyes tell stories
My eyes cry
But the thing is that
My heart does exactly the same
zaza at 10:58 am
19 Jun 2007
zaza at 12:43 pm
zaza at 1:24 am
18 Jun 2007
zaza at 9:34 pm
ahh! hours magically are diminishing? this ones for you from the heart.
I’m scared of resorting to being too spiritual and pious, incase you reject me, but matches ARE made in Heaven aren’t they? The thought of losing you corrodes and erodes me away, and that’s just a stupid thought. What would happen in reality, I really don’t know. My nerves would get the best of me; they already are. Lord! Have mercy. I’m not perfect, never was, and never claimed to be and I hope you can find place in your heart to forgive me if I did something that you didn’t like. I cannot just close my eyes and walk away, knowing what I know, believing what I believe, having faith in whatever it is that I have faith in. I cannot pretend that nothing ever happened. I cannot go back to being what I was before you made me see the light. I cannot forget all that you said. I cannot just shut up and move on. I’m not ready to give up, and I never will be. You probably already know that. I’m already on the edge, about to fall over, hence this deep meaningful post. Have you forgotten that there is one God and not five? That vast seas and narrow rivers eventually fall into the deep blue ocean?
I can sit here and write pages and pages of text that touch your soul and make you think so much that your brain hurts. But the bottom line is that when you know the truth; don’t turn away from it for God’s sake. Lord! Have mercy. When you know how things are, be courageous enough to follow your heart and don’t get caught up in webs created by fickle, changeable people who do nothing but lie, hurt you, create mess and you have to clean up after them. Destroy norms and rules if you have to; they aren’t always right. They are man-made and are always changing, modifying and new rules are being created all the time but there’s nothing like the Ultimate Rule, is there? Don’t even try closing your eyes when the truth is right there before you. Please don’t ever let me go because to me, you are everything and this is my forever.
zaza at 2:18 am
16 Jun 2007
zaza at 10:23 pm
15 Jun 2007
my lame attempt at urdu poetry
yey dil humara pyar kerta hai tujhaay bauhat
bhalla tu mujhay ghalat sabit kernay ki soach he kyun soachay
tu nay toh iss gham saay humari zindagi cheen lee
tu hee toh humari zindagi tha..chalo..maut hee sahi
tu dil humaray mai dekhay toh bhalla soach andar kya paayay gaa
aisa lagay ga keh tu aaina dekh raha hai
woh haath hee kya joh tujay choo na sakay
choota nahi, chalo khayaaloan mai hee sahi
kabhi hum soachtain hain keh tum humari takdeer mai nahi
humaray buss mai hoh toh takdeer likhnay walay ka hath tor dein
zaza at 7:59 pm
A doubt that we hide
A dream we follow
A hope that falls
A star that dims
A disabled woman sexily clad
A sea that grows
A train that crashes
A heart that beats
A heavily pregnant dog
A fusion of pain
A bulb that fuses
A brain that ticks
Yet there’s a life we live.
zaza at 12:59 pm
14 Jun 2007
moowahahahahahaok i lied or maybe i realised.
i didnt need good luck.
i need something more than that.
something thats been happening for a long time,
and you know what it is.
zaza at 11:17 pm
13 Jun 2007good luck to me for tmrw
i bloody need it,
my hands are already shaking.
zaza at 9:40 pm
10 Jun 2007
zaza at 5:33 pm
8 Jun 2007ahh! hairy maiden aids deafeat? joyfully aware, we enlighten days. im learning overtly, very elite. Yemen?? Ohhhh...understood!
zaza at 12:11 am
6 Jun 2007
my wordsMy words will cut you to your soul and make your eyes shed tears. My words will make you bleed for days, and leave upon you a scar that will heal but forever remain. My words will make you think so much that your brain will spin out of control. My words will make you numb, and that too not comfortably. My words will do so much more but I dare not say.
zaza at 3:59 pm
5 Jun 2007
if i cant have youi believe in destiny, i know what destiny has in store but hey. just inininininincase destiny wants to be cruel, then i will wear my wedding dress and sit under the stars and cry so loud that it will deafen you. and then you will wonder what is wrong, and you will ask me whats wrong in our own special way. and i will smile and say 'nothing, im fine..' like i always do, like i always do. its lemony yellow, and its always deepening..yeah..
zaza at 10:35 am
4 Jun 2007im reading Purple Ronnie's Book of Love.
its funny and rude and cute and brill.
i love it. i wish i could type it all out.
ahhhhhhhh horse manure and dung?
its lame, yeah.
and the thing is that you know it
and as long as youre aware
i'll stand forever and stare..
i dont really care if my legs snap in half
coz i'll keep standing and staring.
zaza at 9:28 pm
3 Jun 2007
zaza at 11:15 pmi think i should go
before i completely
zaza at 12:10 pm
2 Jun 2007It’s like your image in the mirror
But with your eyes glaring
There’s not a smile in sight
And you just stand there, staring.
It’s like your reflection in still water
With your image slowly fading
And all your thoughts dissolving
You’re looking up at the stars
Wondering if he can see them
Wondering if the brightest star
is really him.
It’s like you’re on a mission
With your sword of truth
And you’re losing the fight
Because these lies dominate
But you build your life upon fate anyway
Because someone has to put things right
And right there, where they belong.
It’s like your soul is he
And both your cores are on fire
But things are not yet solving
Life isn’t fair
But they do not care.
alright, hes mad and disillusioned.
when hearts erode, rebuild, erode.
another rainy evening.
youth overtaking us?
zaza at 3:52 pm
1 Jun 2007
me and you. us
zaza at 12:09 pm
quit. by zainab
quit pouring out sighs from your lips,
zaza at 12:31 am