pages of my burning life

25 Oct 2007

the world. as i know it.

There is a sun
That caresses us with optimistic rays
So strong, almost blinding

There are seas
Deeper than the careful cuts across your skin
Showing us life that lives within

There are stars
Never dull and always shining
There are clouds
Trying to maintain their silver lining
Slowly fading away

There are trees
That reflect the colour of envy
Waiting to be uprooted
And running out of patience

There are people
Who utter words that wound your soul
And leave it bleeding

And then, out of the masses, there is one
Who makes you complete,
Who is your everything, from head to feet
Who holds a place second to God,

Who lives in a mansion
On your Memory Lane.

Zainab Bhatti

zaza at 3:42 pm

6 angels shot me

24 Oct 2007

a blast from the past.

zaza at 8:12 pm

8 angels shot me

23 Oct 2007

no, asshole, i do not appriciate you checking me out from head to toe. i would poke out your eyes out if i could but thats slightly impossible. i would stick two fingers up at you but that would hurt your ego and you would go bonkers, wouldnt you? so im asking you nicely. could you please lower your bloody gaze?

zaza at 2:09 pm

10 angels shot me

21 Oct 2007

His life

He wakes up,
After yet another night
Of forlorn dreams,
Only to find that the dull ache,
At the back of his mind,
Hasn’t yet gone,
He stretches and yawns,
He kisses the imaginary girl beside him,
Before putting his T-shirt on,
Black and white. Striped.

Runs down the stairs,
After combing his hair,
And putting on a clean pair,
Of blue boxer shorts.
Starts the engine of his car,
And drives on a path
That leads him to destiny.
The color of his car
Exactly the same as his insides.

Tracy plays on the radio,
Something about a fast car,
He sings along
To his favourite song,
Loud and proud,
Occasionally looking over,
At the silver lining of his cloud,
A silver marker in his hand,
So he can go over the line,
Incase it appears to be slightly fading,
Whispering curses to other drivers,
Curses that are slightly degrading.

Drives faster and carries on going,
The frown lines on his face apparent and showing,
His pain and ache, multiplying and growing,
He is the master of disaster, who won’t ever marry.
Playing hide and seek with his unkind mind,
Losing things and never being able to find,
Wondering why life is hazy and unclear,
Wondering why she is far,
Yet ever so near.

His heart bleeding,
His mind corroded with fictitious facts,
And his one true admirer being buried,
Her virginity intact.
He parks up his car,
Under a shade providing tree
His silver marker sucked dry,
And that lining all faded,
His body aching,
His soul jaded.

Broken pieces of life all over,
Refusing to become one,
Like the remainders of bodies,
Scattered like flotsam,
After a bloody war.
But each piece placed perfectly,
Right before his very eyes,
Yet he is unable to
Make sense of them.

Zainab Bhatti

zaza at 9:38 pm

20 Oct 2007

are the stars falling from the sky? im in doubt. but the moon is fading and the passion of heartbreak is being forced upon me; of that i am certain. im running away but the faster i run, the faster this catastrophic feeling is dawning upon me.

this might be the end of me.
i wonder how i will continue.
im running along a road, havent a clue where its taking me.
but i think ive come to a dead end now.
and its either this or that.
theres no middle ground.

and thats that.

zaza at 9:20 pm

17 Oct 2007

been thinking about the 'even if God wants it, i dont' quote.
stupid stupid people.
God works in mysterious ways.
dont you know that?

i wont be around much.
im still writing but im not uploading them here.

this is goodbye.
for now.

zaza at 11:00 am

2 angels shot me

11 Oct 2007

Recall, I
The time
When you were alive
So full of character
And laden with love,
Recall, I
The time
When you were home
To a soul
And I
Just an innocent mind,
Recall, I
The time
When life ran through you
And you heartened me
Through unclear patches
Of reality
Till I was 12, only,
Recall, I
The time
When you used to breathe
And you taught me Maths
When I failed my exam
You weren’t even cross,
Keep recalling, I
The moment
When you were taken away
On my brothers birthday
And how I cried
But still you died,
Keep recalling, I
That my agonizing life
Would be more than better
If you continued living
Somehow.

Zainab Bhatti

zaza at 4:31 pm

just to let you know i wont be around for a few days.
no im not dying yet.
im off to Scotland with family.
eid mubarik y'all.
love ya very muchly.

p.s. ive allowed comments again. might dis-allow them later. call me crazy if you want. i do not care. honest.

zaza at 12:41 pm

10 Oct 2007

this is my happy post. the world outside is dark and im going to wait all my life for it to be brightened up with fairy lights. but this is a happy post. the tides of life are engulfing me and sending me deeper. but this is a happy post. im trying to breathe but these fumes are trying to choke me. but this is a happy post. i want to rest my head on your shoulder and honestly not care about what happens to me after that. i wouldnt mind crossing over. but this a happy post. im taking each day as it comes. youre my candle and if you ever burn out, i wonder what will become of me. but this is a happy post. things may not be alright. i may be up all night thinking of you, or you might be haunting me in my dreams. but this is a happy post. im building castles of fire. my hands are burning and you are just standing there with a pail of water, smiling your usual smile. but this is a happy post. youre standing right infront of me. you crunch my soul just by standing there and i almost pass out as i walk closer...but i swear i dont care. because this is my happy post.

bhattiosky babe.

biieeh. blerrrgh. aaakh thuuuuuuuuu.

zaza at 11:08 pm

why does it hurt SO BLOODY MUCH?

zaza at 9:35 pm

9 Oct 2007

babble

in life, there are some things that cut your soul no matter how 'strong' you are. someones eyes. a song. words. a gesture. or a mixture of lots of things. maybe life itself. people at the top have to fall down some time; sooner or later. life mutates, un-mutates, mutates. i know im not making any sense and all your ideas of me being a psycho are solidifying but i know what i mean and i know what im trying to say. roye raaaaa lid roye raaaaa. is it true that sometimes you wish and pray for something so much that it slips away? i think not. cos even thats the case, theres a Lord who sees anything and everything, and is aware of intentions of the heart. and there isnt 5 of them, theres 1. but hey, we know that dont we? lets eat grapes and together cry. where are you? eating grapes? i saw the heartbreak kid. its funnieee. anyways. i should sleep now. speaking of sleep, i grind my teeth when i sleep. like, kas kas ke. obviously i duno im doing it. but aisha told me, and mam told me too. *listening to right here waiting by Lemon Ice* id post the link, but the video is not so great. what IS it with men and bare naked/scantily clad ladies?!

maybe i want you to.
maybe.
i want you to.
[ i want you to too ]

more later. gnight.

zaza at 10:37 pm

until recently i had a big thing about my feet.

now im alright, though putting this picture up is taking a lot of guts.

zaza at 12:12 am

a soul in an adult, trapped,
an innocent child carefully slapped,
we are travellers on a journey,
so. whos got the fooking map?

happy Lailatul Qadar.
may all our dreams come true.
and may Allah wipe our slates clean.
inshAllah.

zaza at 12:05 am

7 Oct 2007

arright. you know what. we mortals are all ships. some of us sailing on top of the surface, some of us wrecked and resting at the bottom of the sea bed,. some stranded in the vast ocean and waiting for the rescue team to come save us, some facing the storms and letting the high tides engulf us, some ships have holes in them [no i dont mean that we have an asshole, i just mean that theres a hole in the ship that signifies that something is missing]. so. which one are you?! you could be all of them at once, or a few of them at one time. i consider myself as the one thats wrecked and rests at the bottom of the sea bed. thats not to say im pessimistic. because one day, someones gonna find these pieces and tell a great story. titanic-esque. i dont know what im writing. my mind isnt functioning properly. i miss you terribly. there are 6,445,820,979 people in the world. Encarta told me so. now out of 6,445,820,979, all i want is 1. it wouldnt make any difference if i took out one person out of such a great number na. are you with me? do you get me, or am i talking shit again?

zaza at 8:42 pm

im gonna disable the comments on my blog. if youve desperately got something to say, you can mail me. my email ad is in my profile, on the top left corner. thankU to anyone who has ever left a comment here.

zaza at 5:31 pm

you can eat the chicken

i can eat the bones

you can rest on petals

i'll gladly take the thorns.

zaza at 10:47 am

2 angels shot me

6 Oct 2007

i do not have the words to thank You.
i swear. uff Allah.
i feel like such a shithead.
thank You for for showing me the light,
thank You for making things the way you made them.
either keep them the same for now,
or better them.

i cried out of happiness today,
its a very wierd feeling. haha.
like, youre happy but youre crying.
just letting the tears flow.

things are soo 'alright' that it hurts,
i think 'could things get any better?'
and deep down somewhere, i know they will.
i still think im dreaming.
i louve you very muchly.

'all the matter in the World is how much that i like you.' - birds, kate nash

maybe i like you even more than that.
fuck maybe. because i know i do.
the Truth remains.

yes you all can call me a psycho.
coz im not making sense.
but i know what i mean.
the Sun is shining.

hugggies.

zaza at 10:26 pm

somebody help says:

man, my sisters eyelashes were so big at her shadi... i said 'damn i never noticed this but u have such big eyelashes' hahaah.. she said 'gadhay! fake hain!'

zaza at 8:40 pm

you fill up my senses.
you set my soul on fire.

zaza at 3:07 pm