18 Jun 2007

ahh! hours magically are diminishing? this ones for you from the heart.

I’m still anticipating your arrival, patiently running out of patience yet having faith, building life upon hope, belief, devotion, and I aint ever giving up. InshAllah. I wish you would hurry up. I wish He would bless you so you would know more than what you already know. I wish for so much more but don’t we all? You don’t have to arrive on a white horse with an immaculately dressed carriage for the whole world to see. Even if you came on a donkey or a dog, I wouldn’t care as long as you came. Perhaps it would be best if you came barefoot. I’m rethinking and prioritizing; I’m turning to what you taught me without teaching me.

I’m scared of resorting to being too spiritual and pious, incase you reject me, but matches ARE made in Heaven aren’t they? The thought of losing you corrodes and erodes me away, and that’s just a stupid thought. What would happen in reality, I really don’t know. My nerves would get the best of me; they already are. Lord! Have mercy. I’m not perfect, never was, and never claimed to be and I hope you can find place in your heart to forgive me if I did something that you didn’t like. I cannot just close my eyes and walk away, knowing what I know, believing what I believe, having faith in whatever it is that I have faith in. I cannot pretend that nothing ever happened. I cannot go back to being what I was before you made me see the light. I cannot forget all that you said. I cannot just shut up and move on. I’m not ready to give up, and I never will be. You probably already know that. I’m already on the edge, about to fall over, hence this deep meaningful post. Have you forgotten that there is one God and not five? That vast seas and narrow rivers eventually fall into the deep blue ocean?

I can sit here and write pages and pages of text that touch your soul and make you think so much that your brain hurts. But the bottom line is that when you know the truth; don’t turn away from it for God’s sake. Lord! Have mercy. When you know how things are, be courageous enough to follow your heart and don’t get caught up in webs created by fickle, changeable people who do nothing but lie, hurt you, create mess and you have to clean up after them. Destroy norms and rules if you have to; they aren’t always right. They are man-made and are always changing, modifying and new rules are being created all the time but there’s nothing like the Ultimate Rule, is there? Don’t even try closing your eyes when the truth is right there before you. Please don’t ever let me go because to me, you are everything and this is my forever.

zaza at 2:18 am

0 angels shot me


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