31 Jan 2008

all happy moments are dead

[i could write and write forever]

zaza at 4:16 pm

0 angels shot me

30 Jan 2008

where i am

so. haha. no more 'wrist-slashing material' as Raymond put it. sometimes i forget how strong words are. words are like swords. we kill people without even knowing. are we all little murderers? i realise that i have my strengths and i have my weaknesses. like a normal person does. i cant express myself very well orally, but i can write. and i am glad. im horribly horrible at maths but my writing comes across as powerful and i could write an essay without thinking. and i am glad. God doesnt give you everything you want. but because we want the things He doesnt give us, we overlook those things that He has blessed us with. be happy.smile. dont worry about little things. dont let things haunt you. grab life by the throat. lead the way, for youre the leader and noone else can lead your way for you. have faith. hold onto hope, even if its non-existant. believe in a miracle and keep believing. thats all for now. more later.

zaza at 7:42 pm

3 angels shot me

28 Jan 2008

the land of no return

Those that are gone are gone forever
We lose our heads missing them
We want to hold them close
We want to include them in our daily plans
We want them to be there when we shed tears
Though even those tears are for them
We are like stars, burning,
But we will die out soon
And when we go, we too will be gone forever.

zaza at 10:51 pm

2 angels shot me

25 Jan 2008

Please don’t cut up my broken heart,
Oh sorry, I forgot,
You mean nothing to me
See? See that?
I try to hate you but it’s dreadfully minimal
Compared to gallons of love
That is resting in my heart
For you, of course, who else?
The door is wide open.

Please stop wounding up my broken heart,
What are you, anyway?
A heartless beast?
A cold-blooded fiend?
Gaze into me
I love no other but you
The door is half open

Please chew up my heart and swallow
Don’t spit it out so thoughtlessly
Don’t rain on me all the time
For it hurts me, deeply, and there is pain
The door is closed now
But there’s always a handle.

zaza at 12:20 am

3 angels shot me

23 Jan 2008

happy birthday me.
omg. another year gone.

zaza at 11:08 am

9 angels shot me

22 Jan 2008

My darling misery

Misery grows legs
Hounds me
Chases me
Races within me
And begs to take over,
Doesn’t want to let go,
It’s found me.

Misery has fallen in love,
Stalks me,
Walks with me,
Places unexpected kisses
On my mouth,
Hears my cries.

Misery loves me,
Inches closer, closer,
Holds my hand,
Seeps through my skin,
Runs in my soul within.

Misery licks me, lovingly,
And I am covered in saliva,
My lover,
My pretend friend,
Right till the very end,

Misery is mystery,
A settling mist
Within my clenched fist,
But misery too will die
And soon become history.

zaza at 1:31 pm

2 angels shot me

21 Jan 2008

you make me,
you break me,
you rip my soul and shake me.

you turn my life around
you walk away and burn me
yet i still yearn for you.

zaza at 12:39 am

6 angels shot me

16 Jan 2008

so. she started playing EVERYTHING by LIFEHOUSE

change the fucking song

why? i wont

GAWD fuck you im not telling you why

[i turn on my mp3 and listen to Goo Goo Dolls and start singing louding]

she turns off EVERYTHING, and jumps on the bed and whispers...

its that bastard isnt it?

what? what do you mean? i dont know what you mean

i know you better than you think i know you

AHAHAHAH what? yes it is him. i havent heard that song since a year

fuck him

some things just last forever. oh well

zaza at 1:11 pm

5 angels shot me

13 Jan 2008

The angels came to take my soul away so I could be transferred to another world. They called me a bitch. When I asked them why, they simply looked at each other and began to laugh. They said I was wasting their time. I asked them what the matter was. They said there was nothing to take; they said my soul didn’t exist. I stared at them, bewildered. They plainly said my soul had been burnt to ashes, and then flew away and all I could do was watch the grey skies suck them in.

So they just left me here on Earth so I could live immortally and continue to die forever.

zaza at 7:30 pm

3 angels shot me

5 Jan 2008

i want to touch the flame that surrounds him but everytime i do, my finger burns. now i just dont care if all my fingers burn to ashes. why should i, when my whole soul is wrapped in an eternal fire, forever burning?

zaza at 10:57 pm

8 angels shot me

What must it feel like, being you? All I can do is wonder. Think and think until my demented thoughts run dry and my eyes begin to shed tears of blood. A million scars on your face and body, but not yet on your soul. But as your life goes on and as you take its many walks, they will seep into your inner self. Your soul, without whose presence you would be nothing yet even with its presence, things aren’t exactly how you want them to be. Some walks in life you will choose to take but in others, you will have no say at all. They will just happen and I hope you find ways to deal with them. There are different ways to deal with them and I hope you choose something that works out for you. This list of how to deal with things, unfortunately, won’t be presented to you in a gold plate. You will have to dig it out of life, somehow. I’m still in the middle of digging it out; I’m running out of digging space. Maybe I’m not digging in the right place, maybe I need to alter my digging speed or maybe everything is right before me and I don’t need to dig at all. When and if I do come across it, I will let you know. On the same hand, if you happen to find it before me and I still exist, please let me know somehow.

The blemishes on your skin will make you the odd one out in a group of many others. Should you be proud to be standing out in the crowd or should you resort to hiding yourself in your dark world and long to fit in, aspire to be one of them? It will be your life – I hope you will be strong enough to make your own choice. No one will come forward and make you strong; you have to do this for yourself as long as you have life running through you. If at any time you don’t feel strong enough, then slow down and rethink about life but don’t think too much about it because I don’t want you to end up like me, see things the way I see them, hear things the way I do, or judge people too quickly.

The world is full of people but it is so very diverse that though everyone is a person, sometimes it won’t feel like it. People are chameleon s and they change within a matter of seconds to suit themselves. When they change colours, in most instances it will be in the best interest for them and in the worst interest for you. They will change from green to red or yellow to pink, but no matter what the colour change to or from which colour they change to that colour, it will always leave you in the blue, grey or black.

I hope you don’t become too dependant on someone that you forget that you even exist. I hope you don’t cross the boundaries of loving someone, if there are any at all. I hope that in years to come, you still do that cute dance that you do, that makes everyone want to drop more than a million kisses on your tiny nose. I know you can’t read right now; you just look at pictures and make up the stories while trying to string sentences together. I hope I’m still here when you’re a bit older, trying to make sense of things, the making of the world and the processes within it. I will make you read this and make you realize what an utterly fucked up idiot your elder sister is. I hope you are able to keep yourself together when some heartless bitch breaks your heart into a million pieces. I hope the shards of your heart sting her to the core and make her bleed, but I hope you’re not left numb and I hope you find ways to carry on, though the weight of heartbreak may prove to be a huge hindrance. I hope you don’t drown in vast seas of emotion like I did. Even if you happen to find your way to the dreaded abyss of sentiment, I hope you swim your way out of it or make it to the shore in one piece unlike me. I'm still drowning.

What must it feel like, being you? All I can do is wonder till my brain feels sore.

zaza at 10:37 pm

3 angels shot me

1 Jan 2008

dear old lady,

i can see that youre not at all comfortable sleeping in that upright position. cant you see how my seat is tilted so farback and my long legs are sticking out infront of me? i would have helped adjust the seat but i was scared because you look so weak. i was worried that your bones would break and noone would be able to mend them because he who used to mend them is amongst us no more. on a lighter note, can you please stop fingering your nose because its totally freaking me out and also because i cant inch any futher away from you.


zaza at 1:56 pm

3 angels shot me