30 Jun 2007

foundations by kate nash - brill...

My finger tips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,and i know that i should let go,but i can't.

zaza at 10:54 pm

1 angels shot me

tako beany

taha had his head shaved.
ill post up a pic,
when i can be ar*ed finding the cable.
'taha wherd ur hair go?'
'woh wash ho gayay hain'

zaza at 3:15 pm

1 angels shot me

29 Jun 2007

i feel anxious, impatient.
almost as if i want to rush into everything.
i want life to fast forward like a video tape (that is soo not creative)
im staring right into the eyes of destiny.
yet everything is so far away.
almost like its another world.
another dimension.
gnight, sweetdreams.


zaza at 11:34 pm


zaza at 11:31 am

0 angels shot me

28 Jun 2007

to the whole world, i portray myself as something that i am not. to myself, im a whole new person. to the world you are just one person but to me, you are the world.

zaza at 6:19 pm

0 angels shot me

*big fat grin*
this is just a random picture of Albion Street.
as you can see, the weather is "lovely" and grey.
cant stop sneezing etc - hayfever - errkkkh.

zaza at 12:48 pm

2 angels shot me

27 Jun 2007

im tired. my eyes have swollen again.
grrr hayfever...

'Maria Maria
She fell in love in East L.A.
To the sounds of the guitar,
played by Carlos Santana'

im gaining weight like anything.
everyday i think 'ok im not eating now'
and i eat twice as much...gahhhhhh...

zaza at 7:29 pm

0 angels shot me


*passes out*

zaza at 6:14 pm

0 angels shot me

26 Jun 2007

dont say a word.

zaza at 11:58 am

0 angels shot me

And everything persists
In their brutal little orbits
I do not say a word
I do no good, nor do no harm
I let the world rotate

Revolve round me, us?
Let things happen
At their ideal pace
Is it ever so perfect?

admire his mystery and desire

please quit crunching my insides.

'last call for alcohol - Marques Houston'

'he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows everything' John Mayer

zaza at 11:10 am

1 angels shot me

25 Jun 2007

wOrds - by nimkozabhattiosky.

Happiness, feelings of lust
Maybe it’s love
Madness overload,
Darkness, gloom
States of mind,
Depressive mode.

Hazy, enigmatic
Implicit realities
At odds with life

Life, dream, visions
Slipping away, crumbling
‘I’m fed up’
Misled, almost dead
Choked up
Fury, anger, haste
He woke.

zaza at 5:58 pm

1 angels shot me

Would you know how I feel? If you knew how I felt, would you care? If you cared, would you run into my arms that have been open for a long time now? If you ran into my open arms, would you say you’re sorry for taking so long? If you said you were sorry, would you let me cradle you in my arms? If I cradle you in my arms, would you give me that ring? If you gave me that ring, would it be okay for you to have my ring? If we exchanged rings, would it be ok for us to wear them on our thumbs?

Jo tujh mei hai woh hawaish hai meri
Jo mujh mei hai woh tu hee batta

Urdu poetry is lammmmmmmmmmmeeeeeee but I can still attempt writing it, though its pathetic…….

I feel a bit miserable right now, not too much though. I dunno. Weird stuff is happening. I refuse to communicate with anyone in person and they don’t seem to care. Even if they did, it wouldn’t matter. I’m being strong, I’m trying, and I really am. I just wonder how long it will be till we can claim forever and I'm still waiting…alright hand me another drink…

zaza at 12:23 am

1 angels shot me

23 Jun 2007

An angel was falling from the sky. I know his name but I don’t want to tell. Little children stopped playing in the streets and ran home. Mothers stopped cooking meals for the family and just stared at the skies and the falling angel. Everyone froze in their tracks and watched him fall from the heavens. Everyone was certain he would die. But isn’t death a knife that is cutting our lives bit by bit? Death is for everyone. We are sitting on branches of trees and these branches are gradually falling; even the strongest branches have to fall at some point. This angel was granted life and he fell right in my arms and let a loud sigh escape his mouth. We both began to share our regret. We both talked about our life experiences and how they have made us into who we are today. We began to shed tears and spoke about our fears. We got lost along the way; he got too caught up in their web of lies. But we were guided by the light again and almost got blinded by it. We held hands, claimed forever and we were whole again.

zaza at 10:21 pm

5 angels shot me

22 Jun 2007

Life. With another man.

He smiles, tells me I look beautiful and inches closer. I can’t let him touch me. I am for you and if you couldn’t have me, then no one can. I hold up my hand and turn the other way. He laughs and asks me what is bothering me, whether I am scared of whatever would happen tonight. I remain silent. I feel disgusted and sick but say absolutely nothing. He probably thinks I’m missing my family, having no idea that they were greatly missed by me even when we all lived in the same house. Your thought saddens me because when you realized, it was too late. I told you not to let go. I told you I had to speak to you. I tried talking to you but you would not respond. But I was helpless and couldn’t do anything to stop this; I was forced into marrying into this ‘good’ family, all of who’s members are ‘God fearing and pious’.

Reality is extremely inconsiderate and unforgiving and you’re probably aware. I stare at a spot on the wall in front of me and let the tears flow freely; not caring if my makeup is being smudged all over, not caring if I sound like your black dog who now resides in Heaven. He tries putting his arms around me but I push him away. He feels weak but doesn’t know what to do. I don’t blame him; it’s not his fault either. He doesn’t know what is troubling me and I can’t tell him. He will mock me and tell me I’m being foolish, that everyone loves and loses. He will continue talking, telling me about the many times he loved and lost, though I won’t be paying any attention. His words will flood my ears. Even then I won’t look his way. I know I won’t. I know myself too well now. I won’t tell him about you because he will call me a liar. He will say that I’m dreaming things; that such things don’t exist, upon which I will smile and he will probably get really annoyed.

I will weep but even then I won’t allow him to come close to me, despite the formal commitment through the grand wedding. His wedding, it wasn’t mine because I was forced to go along despite not wanting to; because you went away and I was left without a choice. I will tell him about my reality; that I am dead and I no longer exist in soul, that my soul was taken a long time back, that I was crushed in the most brutal way. He does not care though; he says I am his now, I belong to him and whatever has happened must be forgotten.

You still drive me crazy and I crave to land on Mars. This is all too much. I cannot take it anymore. I run to his kitchen, find the sharpest knife and stab myself 3 times. I die in person too, and wait for you to look up at the sky and start missing me.

zaza at 10:21 pm

4 angels shot me

21 Jun 2007

free stylin

'a rose fell from the sky
i held out my hand so i could catch it
as it dropped
my heart stopped
the thorn pricked my finger
and life began to linger.' - by zazafeefus

'what are you trying to make me realise?
youve got ears but cant hear my cries?
are you silently killing me with your silence?
are you trying to blind mE, or close my eyes?
im so scared that i cry and shake
wait paitently hoping my heart doesnt break
what are you trying to do?
i know for a fact that this isnt a mistake.' - by zazafeefus.

"The things we wont do for love
Id climb a mountain if I had to
And risk my life so I could have you
You, you, you, you, you, you...
Everyday Im psychoanalyzed
For my lover for my lover
They dope me up and I tell them lies
For my lover for my lover" - Tracy Chapman, For My Lover.

ahhh! horse manure and dung?

zaza at 8:38 pm

2 angels shot me

life oh life

Dear life,

You are driving me nuts
Absolutely up the wall
And very much insane

The feeling is mutual
You don’t like me
(That’s an understatement)
You really hate me don’t you?
Well so do I
Our hatred works both ways

You control me
You can let me go
But not me
I can’t let you go just like that
I have my family to think about
And that friend of mine
Who knows who I am
(I’ve just got one)

The things you make me swallow
When I just want to puke them up
You dominate me and
Choke me with despair
Force yourself upon me
Day after wretched day
When all I want to do
Is rest my soul in peace

Zainab Bhatti

zaza at 5:24 pm

0 angels shot me

20 Jun 2007


yes i lose it completely. sometimes.
theres a reason behind everything.
i dont drink.
i dont smoke.
i dont socialise.
i need to do this.
i need you to do this.
i hate things.
i love some and im never giving up.
people who go against the Truth get crushed.
whats stopping you?

zaza at 11:44 pm

0 angels shot me

They bleed
My eyes bleed
They hurt
My eyes hurt
They yearn
My eyes yearn
They speak
My eyes speak
They tell stories
My eyes tell stories
They cry
My eyes cry
But the thing is that
My heart does exactly the same

zainab bhatti

zaza at 10:58 am

2 angels shot me

19 Jun 2007

im numb.

zaza at 12:43 pm

1 angels shot me

Allah kay banday, Khuda kay banday,
Khuda toh aik hai na, meri jaan?
One God not 5.
you dont want it to happen
even when God wants it to happen?
janu. you are nothing but a weak moral,
and He is the King of all Kings.
The One who took away your black dogs life.
The One who runs to you when you walk towards Him.
The One who lends a hand when you extend a finger.
you cannot possibly go against whats been written.
destiny - that thing i believe in -
fate that has already been penned down.
try going against it and see for yourself.

zaza at 1:24 am

0 angels shot me

18 Jun 2007

and still you'll find your name in it and only you know what i mean.

zaza at 9:34 pm

0 angels shot me

ahh! hours magically are diminishing? this ones for you from the heart.

I’m still anticipating your arrival, patiently running out of patience yet having faith, building life upon hope, belief, devotion, and I aint ever giving up. InshAllah. I wish you would hurry up. I wish He would bless you so you would know more than what you already know. I wish for so much more but don’t we all? You don’t have to arrive on a white horse with an immaculately dressed carriage for the whole world to see. Even if you came on a donkey or a dog, I wouldn’t care as long as you came. Perhaps it would be best if you came barefoot. I’m rethinking and prioritizing; I’m turning to what you taught me without teaching me.

I’m scared of resorting to being too spiritual and pious, incase you reject me, but matches ARE made in Heaven aren’t they? The thought of losing you corrodes and erodes me away, and that’s just a stupid thought. What would happen in reality, I really don’t know. My nerves would get the best of me; they already are. Lord! Have mercy. I’m not perfect, never was, and never claimed to be and I hope you can find place in your heart to forgive me if I did something that you didn’t like. I cannot just close my eyes and walk away, knowing what I know, believing what I believe, having faith in whatever it is that I have faith in. I cannot pretend that nothing ever happened. I cannot go back to being what I was before you made me see the light. I cannot forget all that you said. I cannot just shut up and move on. I’m not ready to give up, and I never will be. You probably already know that. I’m already on the edge, about to fall over, hence this deep meaningful post. Have you forgotten that there is one God and not five? That vast seas and narrow rivers eventually fall into the deep blue ocean?

I can sit here and write pages and pages of text that touch your soul and make you think so much that your brain hurts. But the bottom line is that when you know the truth; don’t turn away from it for God’s sake. Lord! Have mercy. When you know how things are, be courageous enough to follow your heart and don’t get caught up in webs created by fickle, changeable people who do nothing but lie, hurt you, create mess and you have to clean up after them. Destroy norms and rules if you have to; they aren’t always right. They are man-made and are always changing, modifying and new rules are being created all the time but there’s nothing like the Ultimate Rule, is there? Don’t even try closing your eyes when the truth is right there before you. Please don’t ever let me go because to me, you are everything and this is my forever.

zaza at 2:18 am

0 angels shot me

16 Jun 2007

zaza at 10:23 pm

0 angels shot me

15 Jun 2007

my lame attempt at urdu poetry

yey dil humara pyar kerta hai tujhaay bauhat
bhalla tu mujhay ghalat sabit kernay ki soach he kyun soachay

tu nay toh iss gham saay humari zindagi cheen lee
tu hee toh humari zindagi tha..chalo..maut hee sahi

tu dil humaray mai dekhay toh bhalla soach andar kya paayay gaa
aisa lagay ga keh tu aaina dekh raha hai

woh haath hee kya joh tujay choo na sakay
choota nahi, chalo khayaaloan mai hee sahi

kabhi hum soachtain hain keh tum humari takdeer mai nahi
humaray buss mai hoh toh takdeer likhnay walay ka hath tor dein

zaza at 7:59 pm

1 angels shot me

A life that we live
A heart felt curse
A doubt that we hide
A dream we follow
A hope that falls
A star that dims
A disabled woman sexily clad
A sea that grows
A train that crashes
A heart that beats
A heavily pregnant dog
A lost soul finding its way
A fusion of pain
A bulb that fuses
A night that changes to day
A brain that ticks

Yet there’s a life we live.

zaza at 12:59 pm

0 angels shot me

14 Jun 2007


ok i lied or maybe i realised.
i didnt need good luck.
i need something more than that.
something thats been happening for a long time,
and you know what it is.

zaza at 11:17 pm

0 angels shot me

13 Jun 2007

good luck to me for tmrw
i bloody need it,
my hands are already shaking.

zaza at 9:40 pm

1 angels shot me

10 Jun 2007

im trying
i really am
i just have no control
open the window
and let the
cool air
embrace you, me,
embrace us.
even if you try
closing the door
on me
it wont ever shut.
its been open for so long
and ive been waiting.

zaza at 5:33 pm

0 angels shot me

8 Jun 2007

ahh! hairy maiden aids deafeat? joyfully aware, we enlighten days. im learning overtly, very elite. Yemen?? Ohhhh...understood!

zaza at 12:11 am

0 angels shot me

6 Jun 2007

my words

My words will cut you to your soul and make your eyes shed tears. My words will make you bleed for days, and leave upon you a scar that will heal but forever remain. My words will make you think so much that your brain will spin out of control. My words will make you numb, and that too not comfortably. My words will do so much more but I dare not say.

zaza at 3:59 pm

5 angels shot me

5 Jun 2007

if i cant have you

i believe in destiny, i know what destiny has in store but hey. just inininininincase destiny wants to be cruel, then i will wear my wedding dress and sit under the stars and cry so loud that it will deafen you. and then you will wonder what is wrong, and you will ask me whats wrong in our own special way. and i will smile and say 'nothing, im fine..' like i always do, like i always do. its lemony yellow, and its always deepening..yeah..

zaza at 10:35 am

0 angels shot me

4 Jun 2007

im reading Purple Ronnie's Book of Love.
its funny and rude and cute and brill.
i love it. i wish i could type it all out.

ahhhhhhhh horse manure and dung?
its lame, yeah.
and the thing is that you know it
and as long as youre aware
i'll stand forever and stare..
i dont really care if my legs snap in half
coz i'll keep standing and staring.

zaza at 9:28 pm

0 angels shot me

3 Jun 2007

sigh..ah anyways..

"Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
This something always hold me back."

zaza at 11:15 pm

0 angels shot me

i think i should go
before i completely
lose control.

zaza at 12:10 pm

0 angels shot me

2 Jun 2007

It’s like your image in the mirror
But with your eyes glaring
There’s not a smile in sight
And you just stand there, staring.

It’s like your reflection in still water
With your image slowly fading
And all your thoughts dissolving
You’re looking up at the stars
Wondering if he can see them
Wondering if the brightest star
is really him.

It’s like you’re on a mission
With your sword of truth
And you’re losing the fight
Because these lies dominate
But you build your life upon fate anyway
Because someone has to put things right
And right there, where they belong.

It’s like your soul is he
And both your cores are on fire
But things are not yet solving
Life isn’t fair
But they do not care.

alright, hes mad and disillusioned.
when hearts erode, rebuild, erode.
another rainy evening.
youth overtaking us?

zaza at 3:52 pm

0 angels shot me

1 Jun 2007

me and you. us

every night i burn 2 candles;
both exactly the same,
both burning at the same rate.
thats you and me.
thats me and you
thats us.

zaza at 12:09 pm

0 angels shot me

quit. by zainab

quit hissing those words in my ear, dear,
quit making me want to hold you near,
quit kissing my finger tips,
quit pouring out sighs from your lips,
quit clinging onto my life
like you're my glucose drip.
quit staring at me with those eyes,
quit hearing my silent cries,
quit blocking out my deafening screams,
quit pretending to share my dreams,
quit making me want to compare,
quit being there by not being there,
quit giving me your hand to hold,
quit acting young, youre growing old,
quit staring at my non-existant butt,
babe, dont you know,
youre driving me nuts?

zaza at 12:31 am

0 angels shot me