30 Mar 2007heartattacks
Can you please please please
Rip out my heart
Chop it to bits
Cover it in disease
And feed it to the dogs?
I just want it no more
Of that I’m sure
Having a heart isnt easy
Emotional heart attacks
Are worse than real ones
Real ones lead to death
But after emotional ones
You have to wake up
And find life running through you
Because you’re dead while being alive
Lifeless by having life
And you wish you could end it
End everything fully
Take the journey to hell
Where things might be well
Things aren’t right
I’m scared now
I might lose the fight
Give myself up
shall i just shut the fuck up
and shall i accept defeat
Might just do my thing
And let God take care of the rest.
zaza at 4:44 pm
27 Mar 2007
home SWEET home
zaza at 4:45 pm
26 Mar 2007
pa.kiss.tan = pa.mwah.tan
zaza at 10:49 am
24 Mar 2007
grapes with seeds.
zaza at 10:36 am
23 Mar 2007
zaza at 10:14 pm
1 last grape to eat
zaza at 1:53 pm
22 Mar 2007
an eternal fire. a red mist.its been a while since i posted something morbid. u know, FROGS and FROGGIES and snailies and Nugget dog tailies. noone is 100% faithful to their partners; neither people who engage in the boyfriend-girlfriend culture nor people who follow norms and get married and produce babies like its no big deal. to please people. other people. bastardic bhenchoadic mortals who are weak. theyre all liars. youre the only one? youre my soulmate? my better half? lies lies lies. youre such a psychotic liar liar liar. [no im not and you know it] dont they know they ALL have life partners that they know about but never acknowledge as life partners? death. death is a life partner, for everyone. it doesnt matter how far and fast you run, it always stays close to you. doesnt matter if you dress scantily, or cover yourself from head to toe yet bitch about people. doesnt matter if youre hypo-fucking-critical and have a beard that reaches down to your knees or if you have a cool goatie. coz death lives with you 24 bloody 7 and its such a life partner that whatever it says and whenever it says it, it subdues you and youre exploited. life is just a bloody game consisting of social actors and as soon as you know all the rules, its game over.
zaza at 8:15 pm
21 Mar 2007admire his mystery and desire...
zaza at 10:47 pm
20 Mar 2007aray harami, mera afsana dikhao.
im lonely, yaar.
zaza at 12:48 pm
zaza at 11:13 am
scars.Don’t we all carry emotional scars that run so deep within us? Scars that are so deep they cut right through our veins that are laden with deoxygenated blood? Scars that make us blind and we lose our sense of sight? Scars that partially eradicate pain and make us drift off to another world? Scars that live within us and maim our every thought, our every action? Scars that taunt us and haunt us and wont let us be? Scars that heal but never let us go? Scars that make us into mortals with weird qualities that people frown upon? Scars that everyone know about yet turn a blind eye to? Scars that appear to diminish but forever grow? Scars that torture us yet we have to go on because that’s all we’ve ever known? Scars that make us feel ugly and unwanted? Scars that make us into apparent social misfits? Scars that make us feel like we’re losing the fight but we know that there’s always a tomorrow? Scars that make us into homes to sorrow? Scars that seem so bottomless yet no one acknowledges them? Scars that are a part of us everywhere we go? Scars that are always there but never show?
zaza at 12:46 am
19 Mar 2007
cool pics. when in Nandos *love affair*
zaza at 7:49 pm
18 Mar 2007
making sense.random things.are humans mortal and dead? are we all seriously blind to reality, or can we really not be bothered opening our 2 beautifully coloured eyes? eyes that are just above our cheeks, under our foreheads. eyes that function fully, yet fail to see. eyes that are the windows to our souls. we have souls within us - shall we just try our best to shut out all the pain and be happy about the fact that we have life running through us? forget about the scars that we were forced to embrace as we took lifes many walks? immersed, longing, yearning. anger has made another departure. shall we let our anger escape, blame other people and accuse them of things that go wrong for us? shall we keep living with what we have, clinging onto little bits of hope that make our lives seem complete? indeed, light years.
so a son and father are sitting by the sea. father holds out a 20p piece and says here son, go get your self some life. but father, since when did life become so cheap. life isnt cheap anymore, its so expencive that i dare not attempt to buy. son why do you say it is expencive. father, you must know surely, have you not lived all these years. did you not create me and bring me to life? no, child, i created you not. you must thank whoever created you. but who did, father, who did. will you tell me? no son, i cannot tell you but i can tell you this much that this sea of life has many fishes and creatures that live, some bite and some dont. you have to be careful. but father, surely you will help me swim in the sea so the sharks dont bite me, or that my limbs get caught up not in seaweed? yes son, i will do what i can and as much as i can but i will not be here forever. i can guide you and suggest and advise but i cannot be here forever. father i fail to understand, whatever do you mean? son when you are wading through the waters and when you get lost in the high tide, i will be watching you and smiling and telling everyone that look, there he is. you might feel like youre drowning but you will always rise above the surface. then when youre my age, you can sit on the shore and gaze at the sea, gaze at the life that you lived, the things that you did, the hearts that you broke, and reflect upon your own broken heart.
so now the father is watching from the shore, smiling. and the son is making his way through the high tides, believing he can. believing he can.
zaza at 8:54 pm
zaza at 5:58 pm
love thy selfyou know when you get so excited that you forget to breathe?
like, literally? no ofcourse you dont.
zaza at 10:20 am
17 Mar 2007ive stil got 7 more grapes to eat. dammit. *surrenders* someone please tell me wats going on? *freaks out and nearly collapses* because of global warming, the Sun appears so very close to the Earth. kiyamat ki nishaaniyaan. and soon, the Sun will be so close to the flyer. the flyer who thought such things did not exist will be blinded by optimistic rays emitted by the Sun. the flyer will land on Mars, no doubt. there might even be an earthquake. im not sure about there being gravity in outer space but the gravity between the flyer and Mars will be so strong..so fkin strong that it will take forever to die out and even then it wont die out. Mars looks so dark and gloomy, it wants the flyer to shine upon it. but the flyer is so scared. the flyer might do more than just shining. more than just gazing at the stars and smiling. more than more. Mars and the flyer will be knocked senseless. that, i know. i just know. so the flyer lands and touches the surface of Mars because the depth has already been explored. the depth of Mars has already been touched. shit. man. i need to write a book.
zaza at 1:05 pm
16 Mar 2007
story tellerso this little bitch of a girl, yeah?
you know what she did?
no ofcourse you dont. read on. ill tell you.
she looked around and noone was there
so she built a virtual castle. in her head.
everything so perfect, almost unreal.
the grass in the large gardens was exactly equal in length.
the branches entwined in one another. well formed.
roses circling the castle - roses that never died.
roses that dried and forever acted as homes to love.
dried but never died. nope, never.
leaves that browned but never lost their green.
leaves that lost colour but never died. nope, never.
just one thing. there was no Sun.
so she used to sit in the castle. in the biggest bedroom there ever was.
immacultely decorated, duh. why wouldnt it be?
but there was no Sun.
she went around looking for it.
she looked behind the trees and held a cloud and pushed it away
it began to rain and the Sun could not be seen anywhere.
until one day. things changed. everything turned around.
there were rays streaming in through every window.
and now its like the castle has come to life.
and the Sun is in the palm of her hand, shining upon the lines of her hand.
lines that appear on wrinkled faces, luck lines that are almost minute.
and the Sun became her everything. her life. her existance.
and everything made perfect sense.
zaza at 9:10 pm
15 Mar 2007i need to calm down
take a deep breath
and think bit by bit..
but i cannot. im putting it off.
because everytime i think, i lose my mind.
staple ye lips like i stapled my nose once.
ye lips have a mind of their own.
i have not seen them yet, but somehow i know.
i know that you know, and you know that i know.
we know. and we know what we know.
and they dont because they refuse to believe.
zaza at 8:11 pm
13 Mar 2007
- must stop thinking deeply about thinking, before brain melts.
- must stop and take a deep breath and calm down without thinking.
- must stop thinking about thinking too much.
- must stop reproducing thoughts about thoughts.
i cant eat. but im not in love. my wisdom tooth is killing.
i cant sleep. but im not in love. i suffer from insomina.
i cant think anymore. you stole my brain. but my heart is intact.
though its been grated like cheese, my heart is still intact.
i wonder how much thought can go into thought.
im proud. complete. lets meet.
zaza at 10:58 pmsince when did zainab [ queen of the damned ] become so optimistic?
about things? about issues? about life which runs through mere mortals?
zaza at 12:56 am
10 Mar 2007
to the one on an expedition. my mars.Bon Jovi- This romeo is bleeding But you can't see his blood It's nothing but some feelings That this old dog kicked up It's been raining since you left me Now I'm drowning in the flood You see I've always been a fighter But without you I give up Now I can't sing a love song Like the way it's meant to be Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore But baby, that's just me And I will love you, baby - Always And I'll be there forever and a day - Always I'll be there till the stars don't shine Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind And I'll love you - Always Now your pictures that you left behind Are just memories of a different life Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry One that made you have to say goodbye What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair To touch your lips, to hold you near When you say your prayers try to understand I've made mistakes, I'm just a man When he holds you close, when he pulls you near When he says the words you've been needing to hear I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine To say to you till the end of time Yeah, I will love you baby - Always And I'll be there forever and a day - Always If you told me to cry for you I could If you told me to die for you I would Take a look at my face There's no price I won't pay To say these words to you Well, there ain't no luck In these loaded dice But baby if you give me just one more try We can pack up our old dreams And our old lives We'll find a place where the sun still shines And I will love you, baby - Always And I'll be there forever and a day - Always I'll be there till the stars don't shine Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind And I'll love you - Always
zaza at 3:28 pm
7 Mar 2007
randomnessim high. i cannot sleep. im not on drugs. i dont drink.
the bags under my eyes have developed limbs. i cannot think.
i want to laugh very very loudly but i dont want you to think im being wierd.
im not wierd. at all. no one is wierd. at all. i fall.
if you think someone is wierd, you havent got the fkin intellect to judge them.
sorry for being blunt but
zaza at 1:35 am
4 Mar 2007so real these voices in my head.
hope - gotta cling to it. survive.
ive mutated. ive learnt. ive realised.
hope is in my blood now, within the red blood cells.
hidden away though and sometimes i cant find them.
but i know that theyre there.
and theres no turning back.
hopeful, not hopeless.
its like a brightly shining brand new Sun after all the rainy days.
and may the Sun forever remain.
zaza at 12:28 pm