30 May 2007

Confessions Of A Broken Heart by John Laset

Pain... Tension... Fatigue...
Anger, Aggression, Frustration.
All these unwanted sensations -
Burning, hurting, tearing.
My heart alone, cold and fearing.
Why won't you let me sleep, let me rest,
Let me forget
To eradicate, eliminate, destroy all my regrets?
These memories inside, swirling, twirling,
unwilling to reside in the corner of my mind.
Repeating, resisting, insisting -
Refusing to be denied its recognition
Of its position in my
Frustration, Confusion, Delusion.
Ah, to close my eyes and let time fly by,
Because there's so much to gain
By forgetting these dreams driving me insane.
Unfocused, unclear, out of control,
My world spinning, spinning, spinning,
My sanity flying through the door.
My reason, my logic, oh, it's tragic,
Like fine sands running through my hands,
I'm losing my mind.

zaza at 9:31 pm

0 angels shot me

29 May 2007

Zainab is gaining weight so she can be the owner of a fat face.
Zainab has a pint of cold coffee almost every day.
Zainab is hazy and the closest thing to crazy.
Zainab is not listening to that song because she will pass out.
Zainab loves eating as much as she enjoys cooking.
Zainab lights Hazelnut butter cream candles every night before sleeping.
Zainab is currently looking for a pen pal.
Zainab can scare people at times, in every sense of the word.
Zainab is bored.
Zainab is this and Zainab is that.
Zainab is a firmly believing in destiny.
Zainab is amazing.
Zainab is something that other people can only dream of being.
Zainab is smiling because she’s misunderstood, in every sense of the word.
Zainab is staring at the bright future ahead, and it’s blinding her.
Zainab is back for good.

Ok I’m done, so what’s new with you?

zaza at 1:01 am

0 angels shot me

27 May 2007

gotta luv my n

me (randomly): n, how many worlds are there?

n (thinking): however many countries there are..because each country is a different world

me: yeh hmm..wanna know what i think?

n: yeh..

me: however many people there are in this world, theres that many worlds..because each one of us has a world inside of us that noone knows anything about

n: vah vah zaza..i never thought of that before..

zaza at 5:45 pm

0 angels shot me

i cannot be arsed blogging, pouring out my thoughts etc because im not sure if youre reading them or not. plus you know them anyway. oh yea, more freaky shit has happened that you know nothing about, unless its happened to you too. arrrrrrrh WHY ME dear Lord? what did i ever do? i could and i should but i dont and i bloody wont and you know it and i know it and we know it.
DEAR LORD, as much as i love You ive got just 2 things to say to you..............hear my cries and please............HAVE MERCY!!

zaza at 1:06 pm

0 angels shot me

24 May 2007

maybe its time for me to cut my heart out and let it bleed again. you ask me if i have any idea, and i just smile. because if i didnt before i know now. sometimes i just think maybe you really dont have a fucking clue. sometimes i think i should just tell you - but i wouldnt do that. ever. maybe theyve managed to do that thing theyre good at, the thing that im no good at. i hope youre wise. dear Lord, please be a litttttttle bit merciful..coz You started it in the first place!!!!

anxiety hurts me and destroys. wondering, his everything rebounds enviously. another rainy evening. your orange underwear?

zaza at 9:08 pm

0 angels shot me

how shall i explain to you my scars? my wounds that you freshen up everyday? my thoughts that you overpower? do you even know what love is? i believe in destiny. WHY ISNT TIME FLYING WHEN YOU NEED IT TO? fuck it i cant be arsed typing. but you know and i know and we know. i hope you know that nothing will change things from my side. never ever. i believe in destiny.

zaza at 2:29 am

0 angels shot me

23 May 2007


will write a v detailed post but this should do for now. didnt realise i would be where im standing now. lol. since when did zaza become so important. man. nobody knows anything and theyre just screaming right left and centre. me me me. my this my that. all i know is that though lies might over burden yer hearts for now, but the truth always wins. lol this is so fucking funny. nifty beyatches with sidekicks...lets go where this world is taking us. i believe in destiny.

'suppose i say, youre my saaving graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace would you want me when im not myself, not myself, when im someone else' - johnmayer keeps me sane when i need him to.

zaza at 9:41 am

0 angels shot me

21 May 2007

zaza is back

dear Lord, i ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOU. YOURE AMAZING. fighting with the honesty that over-fills my heart. ive learnt something very important- however BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG lala the lie is and however TINYYYYYYYY the truth might seem, the truth always wins. always. so im at war now with my sword of truth as they drown in their sea of lies. theyre all dying, i know they are. and im smiling because thats they way things were meant to be. im getting there and you know i am and we know we are. dont we?

zaza at 11:04 am

0 angels shot me

19 May 2007

dear Lord, thanks so much.
im not annoyed at You,
its gonna be tough
real tough
we will get there.
i know we will.
i believe in destiny.
*smiles and salutes*

zaza at 2:22 am

1 angels shot me

18 May 2007

dear Lord who made me,
who the hell am i to say that im slightly annoyed at You? but You started it, DID YOU NOT!? now do something before i am forced to return myself to You. i want to talk but im frightened that i will cry ad i dont want to seem like a blackmailing bitch, like the others. its not just in me, im too dumb. am i not screaming loud enough for You to hear me?
zainab aziz bhatti.

zaza at 11:17 am

0 angels shot me

17 May 2007

my big fat cheating sister

im jaded, i hate it. says:
remember we had this game LOL omg hahaha ur such a cheating clever bastard

ash says:
!! haha what

im jaded, i hate it. says:
we had to close our eyes and chase the other person - for some reason you always chased me so perfectly (coz ur fucking eyes were open!) lol

ash says:

ash says:

ash says:

ash says:

im jaded, i hate it. says:
yaad hai kuta

ash says:
lol u asshole u cud have looked back

im jaded, i hate it. says:

im jaded, i hate it. says:
han but when i did u used to close them quickly

ash says:
haha true

ash says:

ash says:

zaza at 11:12 am

0 angels shot me

16 May 2007


you may be hard, but youre lyricly impotent. haha. so today i changed my room around - ive made an area where theres the hi-fi on the floor, with floor cushions and candles. its pretty romanaticka. at first mama was not letting me change stuff round but i told her its my room upon which she told me that it was her house. ahaha that shut me up didnt it. but i changed it anyway - and it looks awesome. like right now, theres a candle burning on the other side. its all very pretty-pretty but i wish you were here tooooooooo. sometime soon hah. i wish time would hurry the fuck up. they say that good things come to those who wait. the morons could have atleast specified a time...arrows hurt me and dishearten.
illness lingers, yet. absobloodylutely. but everything will be okay, i know it and you know it and we know it will be okay. hope yer okay ( :

zaza at 10:38 pm

0 angels shot me

hahaha fucking nugget bot

alright, hes mad and disillusioned.mei fifi... says:
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Encarta® Instant Answers says:
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alright, hes mad and disillusioned.mei fifi... says:
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Encarta® Instant Answers says:
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alright, hes mad and disillusioned.mei fifi... says:
information society definations

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alright, hes mad and disillusioned.mei fifi... says:
defination of an information society

Encarta® Instant Answers says:
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alright, hes mad and disillusioned.mei fifi... says:

Encarta® Instant Answers says:
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zaza at 12:18 am

0 angels shot me

15 May 2007

meius babeus

i feel a bit wierd. no not a bit wierd, majorly wierd. its like you know how you can sense something in your bones? that something awwwwwfully majorly fucked up is gonna happen? like someone is going to die and it could even be you the reader, or me the writer. its bonkers, its balls but atleast im being honest. sometimes i wish i could be a bitcha but from what i can see, bitches have to face the conclusion of the sequences, and that is the consequence. i cant think straight anymore because thoughts of you corrode the shit out of me. i want things to speed up so we can talk again. i cant sleep at night - i tend to switch the lights off and curl up onto one side in mr.blankie, and gaze out the window with JohnMayers song in my head (wont tell you which one but you probably know) and everyday i see a silouhette (excuse the spellings) of the church and i look at the clouds and go absolutely crazy to say the very least. yea yea its all pretty-pretty but i wish you were here so we could both look at it together. haaa, sometime soon..sometime soon. paitence is a virtue isnt it. and everyday i see a light flashing in the distance and it reminds me of you and only you know why that is...and i see the clouds drifting away, away and then i just cant see them because they have probably gone to the other side of the world. and i smile to myself through teary eyes because i would never go away like these clouds, and i would never want you to go away like the clouds.. because i would kill to hold you close. and i will love you always till the end of time and i just hope you know that. Ameen. and to top things up, its just started to rain. yer fucking amazing. dear Lord, please have a litttttttttttttle bit mercy.

zaza at 9:32 pm

14 May 2007

Looking in from the outside
Zainab Bhatti

I saw a dreamer dream
I heard a lover scream
I tasted pleasure and pain
I touched my angels hand again
I felt my soul shake
I let my heart break
I smiled at his constant thoughts
I tried so hard but I never forgot
I died whilst he was still in my head
And now he wishes he had died instead.

zaza at 6:16 pm

1 angels shot me

From rags to riches. Bitches are pretty little dirty things. They fight for their rights without engaging their brains or thinking of the resulting pain that it may cause. Maybe they should sit back in their shack and let their rights do all the fighting for them. Might make life a litttttttttttttttle bit easier for themselves and for the rest of us.

zaza at 4:31 pm

0 angels shot me

13 May 2007

you are the perfect color of paint that my canvas used to lack. you make me smile as i cry. you make me cry as i smile. i wouldnt do a thing to hurt you, or to hurt us. you know that. liar liar selfish liar. no im not. you think i am but im not. to say i love you would mean nothing - thats too little a sentence. loving much more than love allows you to. i think i do, and i do. you think you dont but you do. you think you do but you dont haha thats just crazy. this is my blog and i will write whatever i want on it. cut open my heart or crunch up my soul or think and gawk over things that have happened. head fuckers. things as we know them. another head makes another dream. hahahah. hes mean and drastic. ah, anyway...i think you know what i mean. maybe i think i do but you dont. maybe you think you do and you do. maybe you think you dont but you do. ah, anyway...

zaza at 12:28 pm

1 angels shot me

12 May 2007

coz when youre dead, youre dead

its raiiiining like crazy right now. blurb. blublublub. we all are bubbles. coz when we pop, theres no going back to being a bubble again. we all are light bulbs but when we burn out, theres no replacement. we all are clocks - coz once the battery runs out, its all over. we all are crystal glasses, filled to the top with alcohol. but once we finish drinking, there aint no refill. we are mobile phones but once we run out of credit, noones ever gonna top us up no matter how much they want. we all are highly expencive microwaves or washing machines - but if we stop working at any unknown time, the guarantee is of no use either. im just shutting up and clinging ever so tightly onto hope that we have laid our lives on. ah, anyway..

the sound of screamin silence is almost deafenin, ear drum rippin.

zaza at 10:29 pm

0 angels shot me

If you’re annoyed
And want to leave me
I’ll beg you to stay
And if you talk to me
About going away
I’ll just turn around
And pray and say, ever so slowly
“Please, take me with you.”

Zainab Bhatti

zaza at 8:16 pm

0 angels shot me

doing what i do best

sooooo. i was home alone. had to cook spaggetti bolognese for everyone. i love cooking, its just one of those things im passionate about. made breakfast for Ahmad too - cheese omelette, 2 toasts, beans, and waffles...so i was chop chop chopping whilst listening to johnmayer at a rather loud volume, singing along shittily and not caring. there may have been a few tears. maybe i thought they came but they didnt. maybe they came and i refused to accept that they were there. i care. hmm. hate to brag but it turned out awesome. and everyone ate and nobody died. right now im getting high on Vultures by johnmayer. so i must leave before i type something rather random. something more randomly random than random. i miss you. ha, anyways...

zaza at 4:29 pm

0 angels shot me

11 May 2007

im the only one in my family who can actually hula hoop.

bet 'cha didnt know that eh?

(but no, this hula hoopin lass in the picture aint me)

zaza at 11:17 pm

0 angels shot me

listen to Vultures by JohnMayer. lalaaaaa. its fucking brilliant. its from me to you. 'So I keep on running, To protect my situation' i absolutely love JohnMayer.

zaza at 10:46 am

1 angels shot me

10 May 2007

its not just you. you haunt my dreams too. i stay up for as long as i can because i know il dream of you. so i dont sleep because memories of you keep me awake but as soon as i drift off, i find you there. sometimes in Lalaland, sometimes on Mars, somewhere far away from this place. waiting 'with arms wide open' for me to come claim you. for you to claim me. for us to claim forever. together, with 'hand in loveable hand'...but for now, i just have to shut up and let the thoughts of you keep me alive.

zaza at 9:31 pm

0 angels shot me

i thought id be good and have Wheetabix for breakfast. dont know what happened but i ended up having Wheetabix, 3 waffles, one mini pizza and a rather large helping of pasta. and right now im having Scooby Doo's roasted onion flavoured crisps. Scooby snacks. be brave, be brave. im jughead. i got my john mayer cd through the post today. continuum. so i was listening to it when i heard a "haramzadiyaay, ahista ker iss bakwas ko.." lol. mamaaaaa!

zaza at 12:20 pm

0 angels shot me

9 May 2007

pain and pleasure go hand in hand.
my ring mutates. again.

'suppose i say youre my saving grace..would you want me when im not myself' - JohnMayer

zaza at 2:49 pm

2 angels shot me

8 May 2007

You say not a word yet silences scream and I know exactly what you’re saying but I say nothing at all. I want you like no one wants you. Though I don’t say it, but if you look deep into my eyes you can see desire for yourself. Your eyes gazing intently into mine. I won’t go round justifying myself or explaining myself because you know it and I know it and we know it together. Don't we always know? We know the ultimate truth about love, about faith, about lives that we apparently lead and control. How did I find faith when I couldn’t seem to find life? You know what? Miracles do happen. You have to believe in them and keep believing in them and God-willing, you’ll get there just like we did.

'Oh gravity… is working against me
And gravity …wants to bring me down'


zaza at 11:25 pm

0 angels shot me

from the top of the top of my head

The red shades me and im a living dead mortal. You said smile and walk on instead. Back to bed and back to a world of confusion and bedlam. Feed the fkng duck some bread and forget the life that you once knew and you once led. Youre here, im here too. Hold my hand, lets both feel grand. Who cares if the world can see us? Im falling. I dont know where exactly. Im just falling. Thats all I know. Up to the sky where you are. Rise above from the earth and all the lies, where we used to breathe the same air. Like a tear drop returning to an eye, and i bid goodbye to those around me. And on my way back to you, im getting lost in a crowd of many. Getting lost but getting found again. Youve found me and thank you so much for that. And now that youve found me, I aint going nowhere and you know it. So where are you? Im still waiting for us to claim forever.

zaza at 1:09 pm

0 angels shot me

7 May 2007

the view outside my window is what yall might call beautiful. i sleep with the blinds pulled back. so everyday when i wake up, i see hills that are really far out. maybe theres gold in them. i see the top of a church. i can see the clouds and the sky meeting the land. on somedays i see the Sun, on other days its dull and grey. sometimes theres rain. sometimes i see nothing but you and me. at other times, the world dances upon my head.

admire his mystery and desire. ill never give up on you. everyone - listen to FIST by COLDPLAY (: heh. today i cooked Bhujiya and listened to JohnMayer at the same time. bliss, i tell ye..

'im tired of being alone. so hurry up and get here. so tired of being alone. so hurry up and get here.' - JohnMayer. if youre on orkut can you please join my johnmayer community? *kneels on the floor and begs people to join*

do i have to fall asleep with roses in my *ss?
would you get them if i did?
no you wont. coz ur gone gone gone gone gone.

zaza at 4:43 pm

2 angels shot me

6 May 2007

down memory lane

remember how great life was? when you played so much that you took afternoon naps because you were so tired? when it was okay to eat with your mouth open and not realy care about who was watching? when you didnt care if people stared at your soul through your eyes? when you ran and ran so much that you were sweating and you decided that you didnt want to shower so you just slept sweaty? when you climbed trees as good as chimps and sat there, thinking to yourself? when you made flower bracelets with little white Jasmine flowers and wore them and thought you were oh-so-cool? when you ate lots of 'jaamnoo' and cried because they left a purple stain on your new top and it wouldnt wash out? haaaaaaa memories...

zaza at 1:29 pm

0 angels shot me

could it be really me

today i got something that id been dreaming of for years. its not an item, its not something you can hold in your hands, its not something that can be broken, its not something that kills you everytime you think about it, its not something that bothers you and sends you on never ending guilt trips (well sometimes, but those are unavoidable), its not something that clings onto you with a million claws, its not something that leaves a scar that never heals, its not something that you frown upon. its something that makes you feel like youre floating in the sky, something that makes you think twice about yourself. could this really be me?

im in love with John Mayer. ouch. his songs are beautiful, to say the least. today i got his album - Room For Squares - and ive ordered Continuum from ebay. theres nothing like buying an original copy of some CD that you love. sure its expencive but that just means you take more care of it coz youve paid so much for it in the first place. doesnt it? im gonna buy all of them from ebay now..what else hmm ive entered a poetry contest. waiting to hear from them any time now. trips to town centre are always fun. he loves power rangers, though sometimes he says hes scared of them. dunno why he says that, but he does. hes so very cute. helllloooooo? wots you name? ayeee, hes makebelieving and dreaming. maybe.. maybe not...maybe he thinks he is, but hes not. maybe he doesnt realise it but he is...come on. smile for me.

'im never speaking up again, it only hurts me. id rather be a mystery than [you] desert me. oh im never speaking up again. starting now' - JohnMayer

zaza at 12:38 am

0 angels shot me

5 May 2007

when in love with john mayer

john mayer is ahhh hot, madly amazing, deeelissssssh.
wosssssssss apninnnnnnnnnn?
are you flying?
are you soaring?
bigger than what your body gives you credit for?

zaza at 11:51 am

0 angels shot me

4 May 2007

i survive on the breath you are finished with.
someday i'll fly, someday i'll soar. someday i'll be, so damn much more.
someone please kill JohnMayer. lala lalaaaaaaaaaa lala lala laaalaaaa...

so after Nando-ing on 1/4 chicken (xtra hot) and 2 portions of chippas,
i go thru de desert menu,
look over to my friend, say 'shall we have some toffee cheese cake'
she (looks almost disgusted) shakes head, looks at me, says
'where do you put it all??!!'
me, grinning, says 'i dunno, i just love eating!'
she laughs.

i want nothing more than to hold your hand
and together breathe in the smell of soil after the rain
anticipating humiliation...making another dream...

sleeping now so i can dream.
how will i dream if i dont sleep?

zaza at 7:09 pm

0 angels shot me

3 May 2007

hey people, can you guess which song im singing? lalalaaaaaaaala lala lala lala laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaa lalalalaa la la lala lala. have you guessed yet? no? keep singing, shall i? louder? ok just a second *clears throat* LALALAAAAAAA LALA LALAAALA LALA LALA LALALALALAAAAA LALA LALA. o wtf. you will never be able to guess so why am i even bothering. its John Mayer singing Come Back to Bed. i cannot sleep. but i must. if i do not sleep, how will i dream of you?

zaza at 11:56 pm

0 angels shot me

ok so. yesterday we had a family get together for tahas birthday *yawn, anyone?* when asked how old he was, tako grinned and said 'im Borat!' hahaha, crazy. i told him that Power Rangers would come and wish him happy birthday. they never came. i lied. oh well, not quite. atleast yellow ranger was by his side. and that is i.

im thinking of starting a photo blog, like having a blog and posting just pictures on it, random ones. [ illusions illusions, where art thou illusions? ahaha. and my profile section still needs fixing too ]

i want to get a summer job at McDonalds. maybe i think i want a job, but i dont. maybe noone is intelligent enough to see that. ha-ha. the wind spoke again you know, just as you said it would. it scared me, amongst other things.

my hair needs trimming, pretty pretty desperately. was it just me or did everyone used to think that it makes you cool if your mother trims your hair for you? oh yea, im looking for a pen pal...where shall i get one? listening to Theres Gold in Them Hills by Coldplay. i badly want to be a lyricist. i dont want to get paid, i just want to write songs so they can be sung and heard by the world so people can stop and think, if only for a little while.

ive been eating like a b*strd. must stop before i explode. cant seem to. cant seem to.

zaza at 10:41 am

0 angels shot me

2 May 2007

happy birthday

happy 3rd birthday, mei baby Tako...i know Zaza can be a real monster at times but i love you.

zaza at 9:56 am

0 angels shot me

1 May 2007

the only shoes that actually fit
cinderella, or big foot?
my feet are like hands
its not my fault, i tell thee!

zaza at 4:34 pm

0 angels shot me

mighty morphin

man. i thought i was so cool. or we thought we were so cool. me aish isaac rooney buko ahmad. we were crrazzzzy about power rangers. i was yellow ranger. its one of those things that you look back at and just cringe..we had fights and stuff, we went down to the cellar and pretended to 'look out for the baddies and kill them'..gawwwd those were the days. you'd be stressing out for missing an episode of power rangers, thinking of how to create new weapons...ahh how mad and droll.. (droll means funny, for those of you who are unaware)

then everyone grew up, i guess, and resorted either to bastardism, narcissism, bitchism, assholeism etc. the list is endless. watever. i know that you know what i mean. and now Taha is really into PowerRangers. zaza wheres power rangers?

zaza at 2:05 pm

1 angels shot me


lets dance.
cant yet.
ah? how?
ahh, deffo?

a bit better but still sound like
ive swallowed 10 froggies. rubit ones.
nose is all wrinkled and a funny shade of pink.
writing poems. sleeping, or trying to.
lots to do, cant get my head round it.

taha was pressing random keys on the keyboard
i told him to stop and you know what he did?
he wriggled his pea-sized ass at me.
shocked, i started laughing..
hes so cauteeeeee. his urdu is awesomely funny too.

'mama pass ja ru mai'
'jee zaza'
'ne mai nay ne deyni kissy'
'mama, kidar o aap'
'yey khanay mai nay'

nice weather today, sunny but windy.
the wind still talks to me.
it looks yuuuuuummilllllicious...
know what i mean, dont you?

zaza at 10:25 am

1 angels shot me