30 Apr 2007

the taha tales

taha got registered today. hes starting nursery soon.

mam: taha ap nursery jao gay?
taha: nai mai ne jaon ga
mam: ap bachoan kay sath nai khelo gay?
taha: (deeply frowning) : nai mai ne kheloon ga
mam: teacher ap ko apple deh gi, and milk
taha: nai mai ne khaoon ga apple
mam: mama chor keh aaingee
taha: mama kidar jayay gee?

mam: mama ghar ja yay ge na
taha: nai. mama ayee gee. mai ne jaoon ga.

zaza at 2:11 pm

0 angels shot me

29 Apr 2007

taha is a ball of skin with liiimbs,
who when talks sounds extremely cute, to say the least.

wats new wats new..ive got a horrible bchoadic cold.
yuck, lets not go into details, unless ofcourse you want to.
in desparate need of TLC -
everytime i go to Mams room, she tells me to go away
coz she says im a bagful of germs *waaaaaaaaaaaainnn*
realised that there aint looking like home cooked dinners.

listening to LIPS OF AN ANGEL by Hinder. awesomeness.
sounds a bit like nickelback.
the fucking video is aaaa hhhhh mannn.
amazing, definately. check it out. heres the link.


p.s. yes, still think JohnMayer is an asshole...

zaza at 3:30 pm

0 angels shot me

28 Apr 2007

ok soooooooooooo...not that this post suits my blogistan image, but i made keema alu matar and prawn pasta. i bloody love cooking and doing my own thing. like i havent got ressapeas that i follow, i hate following instructions. ive got secret ingredients and stuff and, as much as i hate to brag, it turns out great 95% of the time.. (yes assholes, i know youre thinking awwh her husband will be so lucky. fuck you. you guys are so lame)

taha - maaaaaaaaaaaaan what a mortal! he gives a new meaning to the word 'cute'..recently, hes started shouting a lot. like he screams OAAAAAAAY on the top of his voice. so what Ama said was that if you scream, blood comes out of your throat ahah its so funny. so after screaming, he lifts his head up and grins and says 'zaza faaf ker do' - faaf as in saaf as in clean.

p.s. tu eres todo, ass.

zaza at 4:33 pm

1 angels shot me

27 Apr 2007

four times the love

people say i can dance
but i bloody know i cant.
would like to dance under the starry skies
in the rain with a bit of rain
and not give a shit,
you know when you just lose yourself
in an instant?

i want you to stay with me
so we can together turn grey
and i want wrinkles to overtake our face
so we can walk around at a really fast pace
like a living disgrace...
[ oh pahleeeeeeeeeeeaase zaza, shut up. ]

oh heres a thing - take a tomato
cut it into four parts
and then look at the seeds of each part
the way theyre arranged and stuff
they look eggzactly liiiike love hearts.
so if theres four hearts in 1 tomato
how much love is present in 40 tomatoes?
tell me, please. limitless love?
my maths is fucking pathetic.
i just about know my 2 times table.
its miss Fareedas fault
she was such a bh*nchoad.

zaza at 3:25 pm

0 angels shot me

26 Apr 2007

randomy updatey post

dear assholic mortals who read theee,
can you please start leaving comments on my blog?
noone comments on it dammit!!!!! arrrrrrhhh...
its just so alone, harassed, morbid, agitated, dead.
i guess i should just disable the comments setting.

what else, yo?
2 more exams to go then free till September -
must convince mother to let me get a summer job.
first exam went well
considering how much work id done for it.

and what would you know about sleepless nights?
do you all have aunties who assume things, randomly?
aaaah her madness and disfunctionality!!!!!!
its laughable, yes.
its like eating crisps, only this time your eating soul.
crunch crunch crunch.

ummmmmmmm oh yes i was thinking
wouldnt it be cool to see a racist man fall in love with a brown girl?
i mean seriiiously..i would like to see it happen,
with my own big brown beautiful eyes that have opened up.
the Sun is too bright though.

and hey, ive realised another thing
its okay to hug mother when in a family gathering,
even though a big 'awwwwwwh' might follow it
and this might leave you feeling flustered...
like the *wtf shall i do now* kinda feeling
where do i go
what do i do - panic attack
its ok, its ok. breathe, deep breaths
everything is ok
everything will be ok
you know that, dont you?

sleeping now [ lie ] bahahaha, how fake do i have to be?
alvida, shabbakhair, buenas noches cariño, la nuit nocturne, mutt nighte...
goodfuckingnight in random languages.
i hope the bed bugs bite the shit out of you.
mospel lagao, asshole - machar aap seh dur
rehnay phar majboor *giggles*

zaza at 11:37 pm

2 angels shot me

wanna nach all night, anyone :S ?

dance with me baby
wont you dance with me all night
wont you party party party
wont you run the floor all night

i want to dance with likeminded people.
with people who cant dance.
sooo hmm, aisha, when are you coming back :) ?
you can nach all night with me,
ive got the disco ball sorted too.

zaza at 4:51 pm

0 angels shot me

i asked but noone answered.
i yelled but noone answered.
i shouted but noone answered.

i asked nature.
plants, trees.
and they replied.
and i asked again
and they replied again.
the same question
the same answer.

you know, maybe you ARE looking out for me,
the truth.
miracles do happen, but you have to keep believing in them
to keep them going.

zaza at 11:40 am

1 angels shot me

25 Apr 2007

home swwwweet home

nothing beats taha screaming at the top of his lungs because he doesnt want to shit. he doesnt shit for days, literally, because 'dardh hoti hai' and then he screams the whole house down shouting 'dardh hore hai.' mama holds him as he cries. dad threatens to put him on the pot right away, upon which he cries harder and turns to zaza for emotional support. ahmed points and him and laughs and i tell him to shut the fuck up because hes traumatising him upon which he turns away but keeps sniggering at the poor thing. aisha laughs over the phone and wonders wtf is going on. haaaaaaa, its good to be back.

zaza at 8:13 pm

0 angels shot me

im a slow dumbass
it takes me a loooooooong time for things to register
but once they register,
they register well...
thank God for that.

i need to write a fking book...
im a writer -
im just waiting to be discovered.
input, processing, output...

im the best man,
aye hormone,
mix and drink.
it looks yummy.

and the next person to wrinkle their face
give me 'that look', then call me a wierdo..
save your guts, im gonna kill you.
be scared, be very scared..

zaza at 9:44 am

0 angels shot me

24 Apr 2007

sajnaji vari vari jaon jee mai

its such a lame song. dunno why i like it
aisa mera pyar hai
ho ho ho ho ho ho vari vari
i dont even know what the bitch is saying
maybe im lame
maybe im not
maybe you are not intelligent enough
maybe you think you are but youre not
hmmm. maybe youre assuming.
sometimes when you look up at the sky,
the light is so bright, so fucking strong
that it blinds you. and thats me.
thats my Sun. at first i was partial.
fine now, thanks. complete.

*smiles, looks the opposite way*
*prays, earth shatters, justice is done*

dear lord. can you hear me, my dear Lord? :0)

zaza at 10:30 pm

0 angels shot me


may Allah rest your soul in peace. Ameen.
youve lived on in my heart
even though 9 years have passed
it still feels like yesterday
so clear in my head
but il see you soon [coldplay]
everyone will see you soon.
im okay, everything is okay.
memories giving birth to thoughts.
and though i cant be there to make your bed today,
im still thinking of you.

trying to forget all the sorrow
crying. and yearning for a better tomorrow.

zaza at 10:20 pm

0 angels shot me

23 Apr 2007

i didnt do it.
i never did it.
nearly died,
but i never did it,
cried, collapsed but
i never did it.
you know it.
you know i never.
why are you thinking
of the lamest excuses?
denial. daniyaal. hehe.
i look like a monster -
my face is pale
and my hair is like woaaaa.
and i just want to sit in a corner
write poems and do nothing.

cant you see.
angry hypnotic man accepts defeat & it looks yummy.
you aint know my heartache
aint noone know my heartache, but one

p.s i still think johnmayer is an asshole and keane might be one too...im still debating...

zaza at 9:28 am

0 angels shot me

22 Apr 2007

aray, hand me a drill..
jaldi sey. shabash.

zaza at 7:04 pm

0 angels shot me

my tummy hurts.

zaza at 12:57 pm

0 angels shot me

maaaaaaaaaaaad stuff.

zaza at 12:34 pm

0 angels shot me

ageing. harming. mutating. annoying. drowning.
zany. angered. intensity. neverending. amazing. breathless.
illiterate. lonely. yours.
irreplaceable. lingering. yours.
insightful. lifeless. yours.
irrational. longing. yours.

zaza at 11:41 am

0 angels shot me

burdens in the sky
crashing down
chasing me
wanting to make me theirs
im hiding
in a hide out
through a peep hole
but deep down
i know its of not much use
they will find me
they will grind me

and he magically appears, disappears.

zaza at 9:01 am

0 angels shot me

21 Apr 2007

freak attack

dont we always know?
what did i do?
over whelming.
you dont know.
how did u know i was gonna say that?
way beyond normal
you didnt eat anything

zaza at 9:39 pm

0 angels shot me

'something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face
i love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase
you tell me where to go and
though I might leave to find it
i'll never let your head
hit the bed
without my hand behind it'
johnmayer is such an asshole.
always? here? mine? another? desire?
inside lake Yalala

zaza at 7:24 pm

0 angels shot me

20 Apr 2007

you cant really kill me for stealing the tiny tub of processed cheese
or the little sachet of French salad dressing.
to cut the crap short, was it not i who paid for it in the first place with wads of irreplaceable cash?
amazingly, her madness allowed distress.
zingers? applePies? immaculate. new amazing bigmacs.
ill later yearn.
chris daugherty - its not over [ heart ]

zaza at 12:09 pm

0 angels shot me

18 Apr 2007

im loving It's Not Over by Chris Daughtry. here are some lyrics from it.

Taken all I could take and I cannot wait
Were wasting to much time
Being strong holding on
Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything
So I won’t give up that easily
There’s a part of me that’s dead and in the ground
This love is killing me, but you’re the only one/
ive got nothing to say but LORD have mercy...
hang on in there...
and hold on though youre breaking apart
and everything will very soon be okay.
zoo? animals? i negatively adore bears.
animals? horses? mares? and dogs?
im literally yelling.

zaza at 8:35 pm

0 angels shot me

its not over.
its not over.
it can never be.

zaza at 7:20 am

0 angels shot me

17 Apr 2007

closer than ever

im trying to smile
i want to go past
that dreaded mile
im trying to walk
cutting up my tongue
as i talk
im trying to live
it would be easier
to go the opposite way.

its lemony yellow dammit
its lemony yellow.

zaza at 5:27 pm

0 angels shot me

when in lahore.

you know. when youre in a really crap zoned out mood (for many of us thats 24/7), get stuck in a traffic jam. its AWESOME i laughed like crazy, loudly, with my mouth wide open not giving a shit about the motorbike wala who was staring at us, not giving a shit about the sick perverted ricksha passenger who blew me a kiss upon which i showed him the finger. it would have been better if we had water to drink but hey it was great. i promise youd have love it. i mean. there were were - TD in her little handmedown maroon car, crunched up in the drivers seat in fear of a collision. saying please, dont crush my little car. and there i was in the passengers seat, re-re-replaying and singing along to John Mayers Dreaming With A Broken Heart at the top of the top of my voice and as horribly as i could so TD would laugh. laughing yet being home to a soul thats already torn to shreds yet being torn further. ha ha. noone has any paitence at all, everyone was stuffing their cars as if going for the gold. beep beep peep peep everywhere. a little kid waiting in car as the hot sun shone above us all. the kid was making stupid faces, the heat probably got to him and drove him bonkers. i waved at him and stuck my tongue out at him and his eyes nearly popped out. lala. a little boy selling sugarcane bits on a filthy little trolley thing - because we were driving so slow, our car was parked exactly opposite him. i stuck out my arms and said 'ley loon?' upon which he smiled and threw me one in the car upon which my cousin flipped at me and said 'yo wtf are you doing?' upon which i smiled because i made the kid smile and thats what matters.

"whatever i am
im way better than
you could
wish of being.
i do not

wish to be
anyone but me, nor do i
aspire to

zaza at 8:10 am

0 angels shot me

16 Apr 2007

keep smiling. keep laughing. keep acting like a maniac.

You’re so frustrated that you feel like making burn marks onto someone’s skin.
You’re so upset that you feel like your soul is being torn apart from within.
You’re so disturbed that your day’s and nights have robbed you of sleep.
You’re so annoyed about things and not being able to overtly literally weep.
You’re so confused about having to drown in a thunderous flood.
You’re so baffled about always having to weep tears of blood.
You’re all clogged up and everything is foggy
Me and you and the cute little doggie

My soul shakes as I make an earth shattering plea.
Everyday, death dawns upon us all
Everyday, we wake up and yawn
Everyday we plan our life ahead
Not knowing when we might end up dead

Mercy, forgiveness, desire, sorrow
Yearning for a better tomorrow
Yearning for a better tomorrow

Dear Lord, have mercy.

zaza at 3:06 pm

0 angels shot me

15 Apr 2007


im sick. im sick of smiling. im sick of the shit that happens.
im sick of the psychoticfuck that you feed us.
im sick of pretending that everything is fine when its not.
im sick of all the fake people around.
im sick of the way that i am.
im sick of not being able to cry
because i dont want no fucking sympathy.
im sick of being a walking bottle of thoughts.
thoughts that make no fucking sense to anyone, but one.
im sick of me. im sick of being so fucking awkward.
im sick of people who arent intelligent enough to assess me.
im not sick of you and i can never fucking be.
its not my fault. 'you have to follow Natures Law'

'self righteous suicide. i cry. when angels deserve to die' - SystemOfADown.

*listening to Callin u by Outlandish*
i cannot always show it but dont doubt my love.

thoughts. thoughts.
thoughts thoughts.
thoughts thoughts. thoughts.thoughts.
thoughts thoughts.
thoughts that drive you nuts. balls. literally.

have to eat comfort food and get depressed at the size of my stomach yet not give a shit. goodbye world.

zaza at 5:40 pm

0 angels shot me

aloha, homies. mars attack. distruction.
can you see?
can you see that?

zaza at 6:59 am

0 angels shot me

13 Apr 2007

Dear Lord,

what would happen if there was a sky but no sun?
what would happen if trees grew tall but couldnt reach the sky, because there was no sky?
what if there wzs a sky but all the planets collided?
what if there were planets without an orbit? they wouldnt know where to go.
what would happen if there were flowers, but they didnt smell sweet?
what would happen if there were flowers that smelt sweet but there was noone to smell them?
what would happen if there were no mortals with pure hearts?
what would happen if there were mortals with pure hearts that were unwilling to accept?
what would happen if there were mortals with life but no soul?
what would happen if we had souls but no life? would we still exist?
what if there was one truth and noone would believe it?
and of those who believed it felt the need to deny?
and of those who denied knew it was wrong to deny?
what if people had no brains to think?
what if they had brains to think but couldnt make decisions?

dear Lord, do something i know you work in mysterious ways.
dear Lord, do something i know you work in mysterious ways.

andidontknowwhattodoiswearidontknowwhattodo. ifeeluseless.
imdrunkbutidontdrink. imhigh,notonweed.
becauseeverytimeiholditslipsaway? itfuckingslipsaway. dearLordsavemebeforeibreakdownfurther. compfuckingletely.

dont suck out all my life.
imtrying. man. imtrying.

Love Zainab. x

zaza at 2:19 pm

0 angels shot me

12 Apr 2007



zaza at 11:27 pm

1 angels shot me


zaza at 9:04 am

2 angels shot me

11 Apr 2007


zaza at 5:56 am

0 angels shot me

10 Apr 2007

cut yourself and bleed to death

aur sunao. kidar hoteyh ho aaj kal.

another hinderance merges and disrupts
another horrendous man agitates disire
although harmonious, mortal anticipates death
apparently, hes mad and denying
arabian hurriedly mutatues and destroys
anger humours me almost daily
agitatated, he melts and disturbs
apparently, his mind analyses danger
arrogantly, he maims and disheartens
anxious, he mistakenly admits defeat
ample hearts make awful decisions
a horrible man allows departure
axed heart meets another defect
amazingly, he makes awesome daal.

zaza at 3:15 pm

0 angels shot me

9 Apr 2007


how will i know if youre the one
the one
the only one
maybe thats what it takes
for me to be with you.
another hour missed again, dude.
Alizeh howls mysteriously and dies.

zaza at 8:50 am

0 angels shot me

me. and you.

im stupid
im characterless
im a liar
im not cupid
im a sinner
im the fire that you cant live without
im doped
im drunk
im misunderstood
im careless
im good
im twisted
im amazing
im psycho
im jobho
youre jobhi.

zaza at 8:17 am

0 angels shot me

8 Apr 2007

when i write, it doesnt upset me.
what upsets me is someone being affected by something that i wrote.
a poem, an abstract story...
i mean. since when did i become so important?

zaza at 9:30 am

0 angels shot me

6 Apr 2007

CONGRATS, ushiiiiiiiiii. shadi mubarik.

zaza at 10:18 pm

2 angels shot me

4 Apr 2007

randomNESS by zab

The road is always zigzagging, winding. And I’m lost along the way. It’s dark. I’m scared, I’m shaking, and I’m shedding tears of blood. I’m trying to find the way home but there is no hope that’s leading me, there’s no home that I’m being led to and there’s no you that was supposed to lead me there. I reach out to hold your hand. I can feel the strength of the wind but there’s still no you to hold. I can feel the scent of flowers surrounding me but there’s no you. I’m always lost when you’re not here. Everyone traveling on this road holds hands and they walk the walk, dance the dance. I want you to walk to walk with me, dance the dance with me. But you’re never there. You’re never there when I need you. You conveniently look away and carefully ignore. And when I say I want to talk, I want to change, I want to be your slave - you tell me to go away and tell me I’m a liar and that you’re not mine and never will be. And I die inside and I scream inside but you don’t hear them and I will never let you hear them. I’ll never let you go on guilt trips that never end. I won’t ever make you feel like I’m a burden, I promise. Though I’m a burden upon myself but hey, who cares. I love you and nothing will ever change that. I love you. The seasons will change and the world will melt but my love is undying, immortal.

zaza at 8:11 pm

2 angels shot me

3 Apr 2007

and he makes another decision.

what good is a heart without a home
what good is a hand with noone to hold
what good are arms with noone to cuddle
what good is an artery when it just wont bleed
what good is a leg with noone to entwine
what good are lips with kisses that linger
what good are eyes with frozen tears
what good is my nose when youre not there for me to smell
what good is a wrist when it just wont slit
what good are ears when you just wont speak
what good are nails that just wont dig
what good are teeth when theres nothing to bite

what good is a passionate fire when it doesnt surround us?
what good is life when youre losing the fight?
what good am i when theres no you?

aur sunao aur sunao.

zaza at 10:41 pm

0 angels shot me

lets waste time, chasing cars, around our heads. quite literally.
another hellish moment amongst desires.
its lemony yellow.
aur sunao? kidar hoti ho aaj kal?
[ baaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahaha ]
flowering your grave with rose petals
and gazing at the tree above your head
and feeling weak at the knees
and looking for your hand to hold.
a hand to hold, and a hand to hold me.
its lemony yellow.
indeed it is.

zaza at 4:26 pm

0 angels shot me

2 Apr 2007


and he made another decision
its lemony yellow
another human melts and dies
its lemony yellow
anxiety hurts me and i drown
its lemony yellow
altogether, hundred men amazingly deny
its lemony yellow.

zaza at 11:35 am

1 angels shot me


and hey, manfacture another defect?
its lemony yellow.

zaza at 7:42 am

2 angels shot me

1 Apr 2007

angels harass me and die.

zaza at 1:08 pm

1 angels shot me