30 Apr 2008

my 'free counter' tells me that a number of you out there are visiting my blog but i dont know who you are. i have been eating at nandos for the past 3 days, despite being a poverty stricken student. i love it more than i love me. didnt go to the photoshoot meeting but should still be taking part in the project. got home late and head was killing so slept in till 12. i have to hand in some work tomorrow then going home. i feel very grumpy.

more cool songs are:

thats not my name and great dj by the ting tings.

my neck hurts really bad. does anyone have any remedies?

zaza at 5:08 pm

7 angels shot me

29 Apr 2008

top songs:

lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off by panic at the disco


addicted by simple plan

'heart breaker. im addicted to you'
'how long will i be waiting? until the end of time.'

you cant make someone fall in love with you. you cant change facts. you can cry but it wont make things go away. simple, basic facts of life yet they complicate life like theres no tomorrow. simple yet complicated. simply complicated. so many insecurities. ive been in the library since morning, writing a 2000 word paper on Professionalism. have done 1000 words so far. its due in on the 1st of May. i cant feel my brain anymore, im going home. lots going on. modelling for the British Council on the 4th and 6th. meeting the photographer tomorrow at a quarter past 2. yes its all very exciting! have been eating at Nandos for the past 3 days. i love it oh so much. i love it more than i love me. i know someone who knows me more than i know me and that scares me a bit. i shouldnt be scared or ill be screwed. im absolutely shattered and tired. having second thoughts about partying tonight but uni will be out for summer soon so might as well make the most of whatever time is left. right?

signing off.
i wish you were here.

zaza at 5:10 pm

1 angels shot me

27 Apr 2008

back to basics

back to blogging now. its been far to long. but im back. i think, i hope. even if its a one liner or a cool picture, i will try updating my blog regularly. and hey, i honestly dont care whos reading or not. whats done cant be undone. whats said has been said. and some things just need to be let out, one way or another, else i might choke on them.

so whats been new with me?
university life. lots of Facebook. exams. cheap thrills. parties. leaving everything till the last minute and trying to get everything done in one night. binge eating. family. betrayal. friends. more betrayal. betrayal galore. feelings of being let down all the time. who to trust? where to run to when my heart is overburdened with angst and hurt and all the other cool, sad sounding words that you can think of?

before i get back to blogging again, let me just say that my posts arent aimed at anyone as such. theyre simply an imbalanced mixture and raw thoughts brought about by everyday fusterations, the nagging past and the anticipation of the future.

im so confused that its not even funny.
i build myself and rebuild myself only for you to corrode me over and over.
i feel absolutely numb. insensitive. almost insane.
but nobody is aware.
nobody knows.

zaza at 6:59 pm

0 angels shot me

21 Apr 2008

new day
new soul
new sounds
new start
new life
new emotions
new dreams
new hopes
new wishes
new thoughts
new people
new friends
new foes
new dilemmas
new issues
new breath
new world
new flame
new ashes
new errors
new wounds
new aches
new pain
new addictions
new heart
new mind
new love

new me
new you

zaza at 1:49 am

0 angels shot me

13 Apr 2008

im gonna get myself a pretty blog template.
im gonna decorate it with optimistic, positive words.
im gonna be stronger than what i already am.
im gonna buy another soul if i have to.
im gonna get down on my knees and beg God to forgive me.
im gonna start believing in myself in what i say and what i do.
im gonna change turn my life around myself.
im gonna find another you who is nothing like you.
im gonna wait until you the reach the top and fall back down again.

because its all over.

zaza at 9:09 pm

3 angels shot me

6 Apr 2008

i want to cry. so much.
i havent cried in months now.
i want to cry. so much.
but there are no arms to run into.

zaza at 9:30 pm

4 angels shot me

3 Apr 2008

afifi love

They ask me what is wrong and before long, I sing them a sad song. There is so much pain that I cannot explain and on my soul forever engraved is your name. The smile on my face leaves me at a rapid pace and I feel like an utter disgrace. It’s just me and my thoughts and believe me, there’s lots. Dreams within me begin to die and consequently, I begin to cry. My tears flow as my worries grow and my deeply embedded scars begin to show. They think all my feelings are dead and that happiness has forever gone to bed. They ask me what’s wrong and I want to tell them so bad, but it will take too long.

zaza at 11:36 am

2 angels shot me