29 Dec 2007

I wonder what it will be like
Wrapped in a cloth, lifeless
With insects caressing me
Getting into my intimate region
Giving me love bites all over
Isn’t it good to be loved?

I wonder what it will be like
Sleeping with insects
Clambering over me like greedy prostitutes
In a box the size of my body
With no space to move so I can sleep
On my right side
Curled up like a baby
The way I used to.

I wonder what it will be like
Somewhere deep within God’s green earth
With insects buzzing in my ears
Singing to me, romantic tunes
Only to eat me up a short while later.

zaza at 10:41 pm

12 angels shot me

tears defrost.

zaza at 1:44 am

4 angels shot me

28 Dec 2007


one minute youre this smiling person
waving at a large crowd of people
and the next minute youre being frisked away in a coffin.

zaza at 12:37 pm

6 angels shot me

26 Dec 2007

Every since all that stuff happened with me and him when the angels were supposedly intervening, ever since I realized that there was nothing I could do to keep the miracle going, I gave up on religion and all forms of spirituality. I feel disconnected. I feel bitter. I feel annoyed. I’m trying to revive the connection now. This was supposed to be a long detailed post but I’m cutting it short. I hope my words cut you right down to your soul, the way my soul bleeds after I think of everything you ever said.

zaza at 11:18 pm

2 angels shot me

23 Dec 2007

He ripped out her heart
And fed it to his pet dog
She tried to rebel, fight back
But he hushed her
Cradled her in his arms
Rocked her to sleep
And said it’s my way or nothing at all
And she said fine.

He set her life on fire
And she eternally burns for him now
She jumped in a pool of water
But the flame didn’t die
And never will it diminish
Because he had said it’s my way or nothing at all
And she had said fine.

He made love to her
For the first time
And for once, she felt special
Wanted, loved, treasured
All warm and fuzzy inside
And then he left her for 5 hours
Came home smelling of women’s perfume
She tried questioning him
But the words were chained to her throat
And refused to pour out from the hole in her face
So she just shut up and accepted whatever, blindfolded
Because he had said it’s my way or nothing at all
And she had said fine

He raped her soul
And left her there, wounded
For about a week, numb
She could hardly move
Then he came back and held her close
Cleaned her up, and made her breakfast
She tried protesting but
Her tongue just died in her mouth
Because it was either his way or nothing at all
And she had said fine

Zainab Bhatti
(All rights reserved)

zaza at 11:30 pm

4 angels shot me

sexual frustration

A train going through a tunnel
A key being turned in the door
Know what happened next?
The train crashed
And the key broke

zaza at 10:59 pm

2 angels shot me

This pain is like a boomerang. No matter how far I throw it and no matter how far I run away from it, we manage to reunite.

zaza at 6:27 pm

1 angels shot me

18 Dec 2007

me and you. we arent a phase. we arent something that will pass. we arent something that will be forgotten. we made history. we are a lifetime.

zaza at 6:53 pm

4 angels shot me

fuck blogging. fuck emotions. fuck family. fuck darkness. fuck fancy clothes. fuck makeup. fuck love. fuck her. fuck natures law. fuck reality. fuck the world. fuck death. fuck weed. fuck perfection. fuck your flaws. fuck the past. fuck the hereafter. fuck writers. fuck philosophers. fuck beliefs. fuck relatives. fuck friends. fuck coffee. fuck inspiration. fuck enigma. fuck illusions. fuck pictures. fuck songs. fuck pain. fuck marriage. fuck agony. fuck your kids. fuck memories. fuck heartache. fuck what the future holds. fuck optimism. fuck interests. fuck psychos. fuck life. fuck selfish souls. fuck creativity. fuck plagarism. fuck torture. fuck my mind. fuck what you want. fuck that flame that burns within you. fuck you. fuck me. fuck everything.
lets be a litttttttttlle selfish.

zaza at 12:29 am

4 angels shot me

14 Dec 2007

please please me

beautiful girls - sean kingston

why didnt anyone tell me partying was THIS much fun?

zaza at 8:23 pm

2 angels shot me

11 Dec 2007

im proud of my skill
of balancing dishes
one on top of the other
i learnt it from my mother.

zaza at 10:33 am

4 angels shot me

10 Dec 2007

The storm in the teacup
Flooded the world
My legs got cut off
And in time grew back
Green leaves browned
Fell down, reappeared
The baby grew up
And had a kid
Who has a kid at present time
The fire of desire burnt out
And hurt my finger
Unwanted feelings yet seem to linger
My raw wounds have healed up now
The presence I once loved
Has turned to bone
And day by day my heart turns to stone
The Sun turned cold
And caused mysteries to unfold
I took all the blame
But you’re still the same.

(a much deeper meaning than what meets the eye)

zaza at 2:15 pm

2 angels shot me

8 Dec 2007

i gaze up at the sky. its a clear night and i can see all the stars. i wonder when i will see you again. i miss you terribly. i wonder how things will be. life changes but some things remain the same. times doesnt heal. some forms of pain just never go away. i want to cry but i feel so numb. perhaps my tears have frozen and i must think of a way to defrost them. im so fusterated. theres so many things going on that i cant get to the root of anything. im not whining. im just trying to breathe. every night i promise myself that i will change. that things will be different. that life is a phase and it too will pass. that things one day wont corrode the shit out of me. that good things are on the way.that i must keep holding onto this thread of hope. and i wake up everyday and find that everything is still the same. and everyday i wake up to find that everything is still the same.

zaza at 9:29 pm

1 angels shot me

7 Dec 2007

zaza at 5:45 pm

5 angels shot me

5 Dec 2007

N and i were sleepin on a single bed. we were sound asleep..and thud! before i knew it i had rolled off the bed and onto the floor. i cannot believe i actually fell out of a bed. ha ha.

zaza at 3:10 pm

9 angels shot me

3 Dec 2007

got changed to go to university, realised i looked awful, so here i am. back in my monkey pyjamas and an extra large red hoodie that originally belonged to my brother. having mushroom soup with extra black pepper, straight from the pan. by dose is dot blocked, dot blocked i tell you. ah who am i kidding. and on top of that, im supposed to be going to liverpool tomorrow. i hope my mother isnt reading this otherwise ill get another one of her 'mai nay tumhay uni perhanay kay liay bheja hai ya maza kernay kay liay' lectures. amma bhi na. she can be so unreasonable at times. but i love her to bits. and i miss her, expecially right now because i have to look after myself and by blocked dose and sore throat. my nose is all red and flaky. i havent even got any Vicks and its too cold for me to go outside and buy some. on top of that, i havent got any cash, just got my cashcard, and at these small stores, you cant pay with your cashcard unless you spend 5 pounds or more, and the cash machine is too far out and theres no way im walking. plus i can hear big, fat drops of rain falling outside. i actually need to buy some food too. i havent got much left. ive got loads of Chocolate Buttons to keep me going though. oh the joys of being a student.

zaza at 12:41 pm

4 angels shot me