5 Jan 2008What must it feel like, being you? All I can do is wonder. Think and think until my demented thoughts run dry and my eyes begin to shed tears of blood. A million scars on your face and body, but not yet on your soul. But as your life goes on and as you take its many walks, they will seep into your inner self. Your soul, without whose presence you would be nothing yet even with its presence, things aren’t exactly how you want them to be. Some walks in life you will choose to take but in others, you will have no say at all. They will just happen and I hope you find ways to deal with them. There are different ways to deal with them and I hope you choose something that works out for you. This list of how to deal with things, unfortunately, won’t be presented to you in a gold plate. You will have to dig it out of life, somehow. I’m still in the middle of digging it out; I’m running out of digging space. Maybe I’m not digging in the right place, maybe I need to alter my digging speed or maybe everything is right before me and I don’t need to dig at all. When and if I do come across it, I will let you know. On the same hand, if you happen to find it before me and I still exist, please let me know somehow.
The blemishes on your skin will make you the odd one out in a group of many others. Should you be proud to be standing out in the crowd or should you resort to hiding yourself in your dark world and long to fit in, aspire to be one of them? It will be your life – I hope you will be strong enough to make your own choice. No one will come forward and make you strong; you have to do this for yourself as long as you have life running through you. If at any time you don’t feel strong enough, then slow down and rethink about life but don’t think too much about it because I don’t want you to end up like me, see things the way I see them, hear things the way I do, or judge people too quickly.
The world is full of people but it is so very diverse that though everyone is a person, sometimes it won’t feel like it. People are chameleon s and they change within a matter of seconds to suit themselves. When they change colours, in most instances it will be in the best interest for them and in the worst interest for you. They will change from green to red or yellow to pink, but no matter what the colour change to or from which colour they change to that colour, it will always leave you in the blue, grey or black.
I hope you don’t become too dependant on someone that you forget that you even exist. I hope you don’t cross the boundaries of loving someone, if there are any at all. I hope that in years to come, you still do that cute dance that you do, that makes everyone want to drop more than a million kisses on your tiny nose. I know you can’t read right now; you just look at pictures and make up the stories while trying to string sentences together. I hope I’m still here when you’re a bit older, trying to make sense of things, the making of the world and the processes within it. I will make you read this and make you realize what an utterly fucked up idiot your elder sister is. I hope you are able to keep yourself together when some heartless bitch breaks your heart into a million pieces. I hope the shards of your heart sting her to the core and make her bleed, but I hope you’re not left numb and I hope you find ways to carry on, though the weight of heartbreak may prove to be a huge hindrance. I hope you don’t drown in vast seas of emotion like I did. Even if you happen to find your way to the dreaded abyss of sentiment, I hope you swim your way out of it or make it to the shore in one piece unlike me. I'm still drowning.
What must it feel like, being you? All I can do is wonder till my brain feels sore.
zaza at 10:37 pm
- at January 06, 2008 jaalijojo said...
very nicely and passionately pieced together :)
- at January 08, 2008 zazafeefi said...
yea. slightly retarded but its all gud..shit happens
- at February 11, 2008 said...
You have clearly put thought into this. Now some people do grow up having to face harsh realities. However, I don't think that any event can leave a person numb to the core. They can become irate, jubilant, devestated, rejuvinated but no event will leave a person completely numb to the happenings around them. It's human to move on, to persevere, to overcome our troubles which may at the time seem insurmountable but one must always try to keep a positive mind and drive oneself to overcome ones obstacles. This way no matter what happens you will be able to pick up the pieces of your life and continue living life to your fullest. You don't have to approve this... I just thought I'd throw my two cents in. Live a full life and approach every day with a positive attitute towards yourself and others. :)