9 Aug 2007I don’t mind if my life ends up in ruins, because it has been in ruins from the beginning. It has been crumbling and un-crumbling for quite some time now; going uphill and downhill. I think similar is the case with your life too. If life was a cake, I’ve just been left with the crumbs. However, I am glad that at least I’ve got something though it may only be the remainder. You might be in the same boat as I am, and we might be sitting side by side. I am finding it difficult to put my feelings into words due to their nature, but I am giving it my best shot.
You live like you are going to live forever; speeding on the road just to get that thrill, impressing people with our wardrobes that are over flowing with clothes, consuming alcohol to feel tipsy--trying to forget the parts of our lives that are overburdened with some kind of unexplainable heartache which fades but never disappears completely. You let yourself sink deeper into a materialistic world. We live in a similar world yet we both have a world inside of us that other people know nothing about. These worlds are crushed to the point of no recovery, many are black; dull and colorless, many sometimes spin out of control on their axes and some, only some, are a combination of all three. I’m not saying which world is mine, but you probably already know.
Some dreams are better off staying dreams because by the time your dream reaches you and begins turning into reality, it slips away and you feel like it was never yours to begin with. Dreams are not realities waiting to happen. Sometimes dreams are ripped to shreds by the time they get to you; some dreams are in one piece but you don’t have enough strength to hold them and make them yours, and sometimes you’re just scared of what the result might be. Destiny is somewhat cruel.
It’s not easy, nor has it ever been. Life isn’t easy. Even at times of extreme happiness, there is always some kind of misery that continuously gnaws at your life. If you have a minute to spare, try pausing, if only to think about where you currently stand. You’re living life only to go to the land of no return. Every time I have a question, I don’t know who to turn to for the answer because I know that no mortal has it, just the way they’ve never ever had it before. I made up the questions so I figured there would be nothing wrong if I made up the answers myself. And here I am, still lost in my world of questions and answers. And I know if I think of an answer for my question, I will start acting upon it. If you don’t like me acting upon it, I will always be there to tell you that you were never there.
So I don’t mind if my life ends up wrecked, because it has always been wrecked…right from the start.
[edited by Raaji - thankU]
zaza at 1:22 pm
- at August 09, 2007 An ILLuS|On said...
It life isn't easy..if it would've been the none of us would have any complains from it..none of us *sigh*
But if life would have been easy then there wouldn't have been any point in cheerishing the happiness that although comes for a brief moment like a wind & blows away in a blink of an eye but makes it presence being felt!!
If you're destined to loose your battle then why you shouldn't give your best shot instead of giving it up & loosing..
I don't know about you & your story but i also believe that i am chasing an illusion but still who cares..i am not giving it up unless & until its about the time to give it up..atleast i am not!!
- at August 12, 2007 zazafeefus said...
i agree, its all a learning experience. you can give up if you want, coz the way i see it - if its meant to happen it WILL happen, even if u chase it and what not. its not really about giving up and losing, its about giving up and having faith.
dont chase after your dreams, let go, let your dreams catch up to you :)