27 Sep 2007

crazified internal rhymes

I don’t like reading long posts either but I’m posting this just to get it out of my system. I just wrote it because I needed to. You don’t have to read it all though. The internal rhymes are a bit cool, I think, that is if you’re into this kinda thing. Anyway. Here goes.

Hold my hand and it will shake. You might need to cover your ears because my heart makes lots of noise as it breaks. You might not hear it though and I will bear it. I am quite possibly thinking more than the pace of my blinking. The pain that overtakes me might grow and grow but as long as you’re close and holding me tight, I just might heal overnight. My eyes are red and I haven’t been to bed for days. I’ve been walking around as if in a haze that is leading me to you. Boo hoo hoo. I look like the rainbow dressed up in colorful clothes but inside I’m painted blue and grey and black and I’m low. I might lack color and you might just know because it always shows and grows so cut me some grief here, why don’t you. I have officially stopped smiling because there is no one who appreciates me smiling at them. I fumble with my hem or look the other way when someone looks at me and attempts to smile. Fook. Even if I wanted to talk, I would approach them and then walk the other way because I know they’re not here to forever stay. Just like you. Way-hey! You caress my soul and I resort to being a blacker hole than what I already am. Damn it hurts but the love I spurt might just be revisiting me someday. I’m still waiting for that day to come and I’m drinking rum as I anticipate that day’s arrival and waiting for that day is my key to survival. It might sound twisted but I always lose ground when you’re not around. It’s like I mope around, doped of course, completely lost and waiting to be found again. The fight is tough but it’s alright because I intend to make it through and find myself in a better place with you. I don’t care if you want me all the same because not caring is just part of this game, isn’t it? Not that I think its fair at all, but screw you because life isn’t fair, did you hear? So there. Quit suffering in despair. I hope you can feel my prayer when I pray for you. I don’t think you can feel it, because if you could you would have done something about this whole thing. I don’t want you to see my tears because you might just drown in them because you aren’t exactly the bravest of men, even if there were just ten standing in a straight line; no doubt all of whom would be looking fine. Not that I really care because it’s only you who belongs to me and is mine. This is my heart and that is yours and I’m fine with that. But it’s not a piece of hair that you can pull out and forget about; I won’t let you because it hurts a great deal and it leaves me numb and unable to feel. Even now, it’s too sore to touch because the pain is just too much. Wouldn’t your whole life tilt with guilt anyway? So I say cut the crap, shut up and lets wrap it up. I make a request for you to forgive; let’s just live and let die, and give whatever love we have to give. Push and shove and make passionate love. I can’t help but stand and stare; is anyone there? Life isn’t fair, wounds build up layer upon layer but does anyone care? *I louve you alright, I fucking love you like no one loves you*

I should be feeling better after this much needed love letter thing. I kindof do but I feel shit all the same because inevitably, my life belongs to you. You own my bastard life and you can turn it upside down and downside up.


zaza at 9:14 pm

10 angels shot me


at September 28, 2007 Blogger (¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

beautiful words.

I love the passion and aggression that is a part of you. I just hope it doesn't hurt you that much.

at September 28, 2007 Blogger Ashu said...

Abslotuely beauty. You express your feelings with great pain and in truthful way.

Take care,


at September 28, 2007 Blogger zazafeefi said...

raaji: thats the shitty part, it does!!

ashu: yeah..whats next? :s hes tearing me apart

at September 29, 2007 Blogger Deepsikha Mishra said...

Wow Nice expressions :D

at September 29, 2007 Blogger annie said...

You loved him more than he ever did..i say..

at September 29, 2007 Blogger zazafeefi said...

dm: yeh..

annie: girl why is there a 'd' after love? hain hain :p

at September 29, 2007 Blogger An ILLuS|On said...

Indeed life isn't fair..it isn't fair at all!
What the FOOK yaaaarrrrr!!

at September 29, 2007 Blogger zazafeefi said...

illusion: metimes i think we all get what we deserve, even if its gud or bad..and sometimes, i just dont! ;p

at September 29, 2007 Blogger deepsikha mishra said...

No re we dnt deserve betrayals :( Y d F do we deserve it zazafeefi :( mera bas chale tho mein Khun kardeti uss Haramkhor ka :-D...But Pity...I was a fool i loved him. n I still am.


at October 02, 2007 Blogger zazafeefi said...

me too janu, join the club..


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