22 Sep 2007

im feeling a bit mad. i dont care who is reading this, or who isnt. i dont care if youre just skimming through this post, coz it will just be a block of writing. yep. no pictures or anything, so any visual and kinesthetic learners can fk off right now. im just going to upload my heart. man. i think ive hit rock bottom. to whom it may concern: this love that i have will make me go absolutely insane, in all honesty, and im scared. whatever i did or whatever i didnt do, i apologize for every single thing. whether i was right or wrong. maybe i have learnt a lesson here. maybe i havent. i dont know anymore. i dont know anything anymore. im too dumb and stupid and i cannot be a calculating fucktard like many others that we know of. maybe thats a life skill that i need to work on. like knives, that sums up their personalities. sweet to your face and once you turn your back for a second, their true colours begin to shine through. and they talk and exchange strings of words that cut you to the soul, let alone bone. and the scars that they leave you with are eternal and they arent ever going away. though when i hold you close, it might dull the pain or when you hold me close it might dull yours. why do we need life skills? why anything? what is the point of anything at all? why do we live lives, knowing we are to die? why do we eat, knowing we are going to crap most of it out? why do we talk, knowing noone gives a shit about what youre saying? maybe we need to work things out, talk, meet up, discuss, communicate, exchange strings of words that only make sense to you and i, let ourselves lose in a world where there is noone but you and i. if youre to go away forever, i want to lock myself in my room and corrode my brain with thoughts of you. if youre to come back, i want to look forward, anticipate, and welcome destiny with open arms. what the heck. maybe i need to have a good cry, but what next? there are no arms to run into, there is no comfort. there is no peace. there is no 'sakoon'...everywhere you look, people are unhappy. caught up in shitty marriages where all you ever do is argue like dogs, caught up in a relationship that you are happy with, stressed out because of one thing or another. if its not this, its that. if its not that, its this. everyone has unexplainable heartaches. crazy. there a million million billion people all around the world, yet this one person that you love has such an impact on you. one person out of a million million billion people.

all those on my MSN have probably noticed my nic - Sylvia Plath. i saw that movie 'Sylvia' a few days ago. awesome. reminded me a little of me. only i havent been published. yet. but ive been published in 3 issues of PULP, and poetry.com hmm. but anyway. my cousin, ushi, said: hey sylvia, i hope youre not planning to commit suicide. hahahoohoohoo the answer to that is no i aint. coz no matter how shit things get, we must keep going. we all have huge sacks of shit on our backs that we have to carry. so another sack wont really matter. some people leave the world and their absense makes you feel hollow, even many years after theyre gone, but you dont exactly give up your life. go crazy missing them but thats about it.

im off.
Lord have mercy on Zazafeefus.
and on all others.

zaza at 8:15 pm

11 angels shot me

11comments

at September 23, 2007 Anonymous thoia T said...

this guy u keep posting about... wats his name?

 
at September 23, 2007 Blogger Ashu said...

Have faith. Trust the AlMighty. You d come out of this. You surely moved me with this open feelings of your heart. This is a gem. A true million carrat gem.

Love,

Ashu

 
at September 23, 2007 Blogger Nothingman said...

silvia plath committed suicide by sticking her head in an oven.

And its ok to be stabbed in the back, why expect anything from friends? it's our expectations and our hopes which bring us pain in the end.

Let it be.

Chill. :)

N

 
at September 23, 2007 Blogger zazafeefi said...

thoia t: why do you ask?

ashu: yeah i am trusting Him but sometimes, i dunno, it gets too much. im glad ive got my blog though :) i hope youre feelin better

nothingman: yes dude, i know she did! [ive read up on her] yeh ur right though..but i wish it was as easy as just letting it be!! :p

 
at September 23, 2007 Anonymous nothingwoman said...

wats his name? :)

 
at September 23, 2007 Blogger An ILLuS|On said...

Stay tight & have faith..
Life isn't bed of roses & there wouldn't have been any charm in it if that would've been the case..life is all about struggling & to keep on pursuing after your dreams & wishes:)

 
at September 23, 2007 Blogger zazafeefi said...

nothingwoman: hah why do you ask!?

illusion: ye ur right, and thanks for commenting!!

 
at September 23, 2007 Blogger ...Vindicated... said...

Ok...guys...It me..yeh i am the one she's talking about.. ok happy now..i hope u all are.. actually i like her a lot but my other gfs they just are not willing to give me up..damn being me can be a curse at time....

;) oh well its not me but whoever he is has no clue how lucky he really is and how he is messing his chance with this amazing person zazafeefi!

ok comedy ... check
sermon ... check
comments ... eeek!

yes post is beautiful and is not too beautiful.. cuz this is my friend's life in pain.. i think it sucks and i cant wait for some jolly gud posts from her..hopefullly soon..


its ironic how one person is killing herself while the other is not there for her..not knowing that one day he might be killing himself for her....

wow i can be human too at times !

 
at September 23, 2007 Blogger wacko said...

hmm..nice way to pour your heart out here..btw, i really shouldnt comment anything considering i dunno bout u or the guy u talkin bout..i just dropped in here cuz i noticed this strange hand thingy in your blog..apart from ur face u had before..hain naa?

and yeah i read the email waala post..lol..u were brutal to the guy..
i guess u wouldnt have told him any expletive if he'd say "liked" instead of "chahat" i guess the hindi or urdu whtever tis did the trick :P

 
at September 24, 2007 Blogger Amrita said...

The sweetest songs are those which tell of our saddest thoughts...
The river gets its song from the rocks in its bed..
I can quote a zillion and one things that have been said or written...
To make u feel better...
But it is upto u to believe..
Yea i know there is not point in life... We eat while we know we gonna C**p next morn.. We get into marriages while we know 90% of the time we are going to miss the bacherlor-hood....
But God has given this life.. Might as well use it...
Might as well struggle to make it better
As they say.. Hope floats..

Take care..
:)

 
at September 24, 2007 Blogger zazafeefi said...

vindicated: awwwn wow yeh youre showing signs of a human being..thanks so much for commenting!

wacko: haan na :p im messing around with the image, and the blog template..editing and stuff..as for the email wala, yeh the language mightv made a difference! not that i wudve welcomed him with open arms, but i wouldve been kind in telling him to go away

amrita: yeh, i kno wat you mean..hope floats but sinks too, then floats then sinks. hope floats my boat :D lol

 

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