13 Sept 2008
'everyday im psychoanalyzedfor my lover for my lover
they dope me up and i tell them lies
for my lover for my lover' - Tracy Chapman.
i havent blogged in a while so thought i would give birth to random words and even more random thoughts that have been circling around my head for a while now.
nothing!
my mind is blank. there is not a dot of thought in my head. love. he is such a steep mountain that no paths of love are to reach him. oh. i still love. sometimes i think what would happen if the other person knew just how much effort was being put into writing one text. i mean. just to text: 'how are you?' or 'whats been happening?', it takes me a day, sometimes two. i write it, save it, read through it over and over, over and over, imagine his reaction and think a million times about wether he will reply or not. it has come to a point where i have just learnt how to accept and live with this eternal love and endless suffering. either i have learnt or i am still learning. one thing i know for sure is that regardless of anything, he will always have a sacred place in my broken heart. unconditional love. maybe some people dont realise just how much another mortal can love them and eventually when they do realise, it might be just a bit too late for anything to happen. or perhaps they do know how much someone loves them but they may have issues of their own. either way, you cant win. can you?
some things just dont work, and wont work for reasons that are beyond our understanding. sometimes we dont come to terms with things, not because we havent got the mental strength tp come to terms with them, but because we dont want to come to terms with them. because we dont want to accept how things are for us. because we dont want to accept that we have lost a part of our life. sometimes, whatever happens is for the best of everyone. you may think its not fair and what not but later down the line, perhaps a few years later, you might realise. dont waste your life living in guilt because you will end up nowhere. to an extent, we all are masters of our own disasters. we need to make mistakes and repeat these mistakes, and only then will we learn. i am starting to think that everyone gets what they deserve, and that includes me.
we all are flames, slowly burning out. we live like we have forever, yet we cant stay for long. like when a candle burns out and the wick comes to point where it cannot be lit again. even after my candle burns out, an essense of love will remain and i hope you are surrounded by it forever.
zaza at 10:58 pm
7comments
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at September 15, 2008
said... When you have written the text, press send. If you don't then you never wrote the message. Press send before someone who you perhaps don't like very much presses send.
Waiting for the inevitable will only lead to more stress down the road.
-Hashir-
at September 15, 2008
zaza said... easier said than done, no?
thank you for dropping by.-
at September 16, 2008
...Vindicated... said...
Love hurts …love stings …love’s fake & love stinks
I am so out of love !!
its all true , the texts , the feeling , the pain and the nothing of it !!-
at September 16, 2008
zaza said...
yep S, the thing is that i always pretend like im over it, but deep down im not! argh! cant win can u!
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at September 18, 2008
said...
I can see myself in you zabs!
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at September 19, 2008
zaza said...
i know you do. sucks doesnt it. we need to catch up
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at September 30, 2008
said...
baby no use crying over unconditional,silent,one-sided love.. move on !
PS : ur cute ..
chaos!