29 May 2018

Broken hearted melody

As my heart strings break one after the other, a tear drop falls to mark each of their loss. The melody that my heart plays upon their breaking falls onto your deaf ears. I can finally breathe; broken in two and knowing I will never be whole again. I lost myself and since then have never been fully found. It is strange and a little surreal; dreamlike and almost bizarre for me to feel this way. Maybe you are a killer in your own right, on your own terms and conditions of course. You killed my soul, you sombre soul slayer, and left me for dead. Although I survived, my scars tell a story that not many are able to comprehend. Not even you. Not that it matters; I’m no one special. Remember when I cautiously touched your face, scared and awfully frightened, fearing you could hear my pounding heart? I hoped to God you wouldn’t hear it, I didn’t want to worry you. I want to tell myself that it will all be alright and that the silver lining on the cloud will soon return. I am sick and tired of waiting for it to reappear. There is no hand to hold so I will hold my own and keep wandering down this road; losing my way and finding it again. I will keep going until I reach a dead end. Only then will I know that the time has come to let go and cocoon myself in eternity.

Delilah. at 11:05 pm

0 angels shot me

Letting go.

Something from 2010.

I had the wings to fly. She tailored them to just my size so I could soar. I had a small amount of hope in the palm of my hand. She told me to hold on to it and never let it go. I had memories that we locked up in a cage in my mind. She unlocked them and threw away the key so I could let go. I had all I needed to be a dreamer. She taught me to dream beyond expectations and not be afraid. I was coming apart at the seams. I was a bundle of sorrow and grief. She held my soul and helped me heal. I was drowning in a sea of madness. She threw me a life jacket so I could float again. I had all the pieces right in front of me. She glued them up and made me whole.

I was standing near a closed door. She turned the handle and set my demons free.

Delilah. at 11:02 pm

0 angels shot me

13 Apr 2017


Cloud of pain rain not on me,
This ray of hope will blind you,
Pour not on me your grief, your sorrow,
For I am just a man feeding my broken dreams, yearning for a better tomorrow

Delilah. at 2:45 pm

3 angels shot me

Its about finding your feet when you're losing ground. its about bearing the pain of letting go. Its about keeping sane at all times, despite the whirlwind brewing up inside you. Its about coming into peoples lives and leaving some footprints they can remember you by. Its about keeping calm when you want to shout at the world. Its about walking carefully around the edge without being pulled into the abyss. That's life.

Delilah. at 2:41 pm

0 angels shot me

13 Feb 2013

 I’m fine.  It’s just sometimes when I lose control and want your thoughts to make me whole, I tend to lose a small piece of my mind. There are thoughts of you in my head, but there is no you. It’s a little complicated and I find it hard to explain. Could I still be your number 1 fan?

Sometimes you wait a life time for justice to be done. Sometimes karma is just around the corner.

Delilah. at 1:22 pm

0 angels shot me

26 Jun 2012

All things negative

I can’t sing like a bird. I break windows. I hate the sound of my voice. It mortifies me. I can’t dance, though I wish I could. I am average looking with thin hair that is getting thinner. I do not like my figure. We do not get on. I have a troublesome left shoulder. I have made many, many mistakes and somewhat live in their shadows. I care too much for my own good. I am stupid. I live in a country that is secretly corrupt and is sun deprived. I am paranoid. I worry constantly about different things. I am insecure about my appearance. I believe there is a heart somewhere in all of us, not matter how obvious our evil streak is. I can write more but I don’t want to. Must get back to counting my blessings and not get stuck at 1... Anyway. Tell me about you.

Delilah. at 1:11 pm

0 angels shot me

31 May 2012

Are these cracks getting deeper or are my eyes deceiving me? You are haunting my dreams and ripping me apart at the seams. Is it getting better or am I simply believing that it is getting better when it is not? Optimism was never a good friend of mine. I doubt it will lend me a hand to hold now, or caress my soul. But as they say, this too shall pass. There is a light at the end of every dark tunnel and all that. I am loving Florence + the Machine and Keane at the moment. Cosmic love and Sovereign Light Café. I am also rethinking ‘life’ and the changes I need to make. Yesterday, someone said ‘God deserves more than to be your acquaintance.’ True. I think we need to count our blessings when things don’t seem to be going our way. I think we need to take other people into consideration. I know I have not always done that, but believe me when I say I am paying the price now. Karma is a bitch.

Delilah. at 12:57 pm

0 angels shot me

30 May 2012


The well of sadness is so full that I am at the risk of drowning. My smile has gone and I can feel myself frowning.  To the world, a smile is enough to let them know you are ok, but what am I to do with this sadness; this dwindling downward spiral that keeps pulling me under? The tides are so high that they engulf me from every corner, and I have no choice but to drown, if only to survive yet again. Maybe I am going through a helpless phase at the moment but this too shall pass. It is not nice to be bombarded by alien emotions and feelings you thought were extinct. I must carry on and keep going even though my feet can no longer carry me and my legs are threatening to give way; it will only get better. The downward spiral will soon snap, and perhaps pierce my heart, but at least it would have broken. Time will tell and time will cure, as time is a healer of ambiguous thoughts. The blurry clouds in my head will soon disappear, and it will be like they never existed. The Sun will shine through my mind and make me whole again with its healing element. I feel like I have been stuck in this long queue for a while now, but hope is near. Until then, I must keep holding onto those invisible rays of optimism and faith that keep me feeling like I have a reason to wake up in the morning, a reason to smile, a reason to be happy; a reason to live...

Delilah. at 7:46 pm

0 angels shot me

18 May 2012

How dare you attack me from every angle, knowing it is piercing my broken heart? I sit here with my broken pen and begin to write, knowing we are worlds apart and will never be one, never reunite, never be whole. There is an unexplainable pain, a sadness that I don’t have the words to explain. Why does it not go away when I close my eyes? Maybe you can have a word with this pain, tell it to leave me alone. Maybe you can burn it, like you burnt me. I can still feel the flames on my naked skin. An unexplainable sadness lingers – it must be in the air that I breathe. You must be in the air I inhale. You must be the cause of my sadness. Are you? If you knew would you tell me?

Delilah. at 12:18 am

0 angels shot me

17 May 2012

Heart String Snapper.

Do you care? With your dewy eyes and stony stare? Is your heart there, where it should be? Are you blind or just oblivious to what you see? Is your mind missing, or is it just me? My minds eye can see right through you. Take off your trendy trainers and try putting on my shoes. I wear my heart upon my sleeve but the scar that I bear upon it is something that you obviously fail to see. Maybe you will never know what it feels like to be me. Not that I want you to. We all bear big burdens and sometimes these scars run way too deep. When you think the bad times are gone, sit alone and watch them creep up and engulf you entirely. When the good times roll, trust me when I say the bad times are not so far away. My tears flow steadily and you fail to see them falling. Ignore my pleas and my silent calling, as you have always done. The world offers no hand to hold when you are out in the cold, letting your heart unfold. And when you are on your hands and knees crawling, you might just realise that I feel this way because I care. 

© Zainab Bhatti

Delilah. at 11:12 pm

0 angels shot me

9 May 2012


It has just been one of those days where nothing makes sense and nothing goes right, but my definition of right may be your definition of wrong. the rain and the absolutely miserable is not helping. just fed up. I am missing my homeland. A lot. Not to mention my family. And just generally choking on nostalgia. Repeatedly. I know many many peoples lives are and that I should be grateful for what I have, and trust me I am. But what do you with feelings that you just cannot push aside? Feelings that keep attacking you from all angles? It's like you are covered head to toe in honey, and the feelings are in the form of a thousand buzzy bees, if not more. I feel a little numb on the inside. Funny how you have to wear a smile and face the world, though the world inside you might be breaking and falling apart. Maybe it was already broken and you have only just realised. So who is going to put it all back together? Mend it? Place the pieces of jigsaw where they belong? Sew your seams that have come apart? Who? Your other half? God? Yourself? A combination of all three? None of these?

Has the ship already sunk? Have you come to find the remains?

Delilah. at 10:26 pm

0 angels shot me

1 Sep 2011

I need to be free.

When words fail me and my heart is on the verge of crumbling to little pieces, I feel like my lease may have have come to an end. Maybe i should have been freed from these chains a long time ago. I cannot explain the pain that has taken over my entire self in an instant. Thank you for making me realise my worth, but now i must return to be buried under the earth that has been dug up for me. Gone are the days when i was yours and you were mine. I am running out of time.

Free me, please, from these chains of life. I need to soar, I need to fly.

zaza at 7:38 pm

0 angels shot me

10 Aug 2011

do not judge me. in any way, shape or form. take a look at yourself before making comments and putting other people down, you talentless loser.
i feel rather gutted, like something is sinking in my stomach. maybe my heart, that has been in bits for quite some time now. there comes a time when you just dont want to hide behind a fake smile anymore; a time when your scars wear themselves on your sleeve, without your approval or consent.
over and out.

zaza at 1:03 pm

1 angels shot me

8 Aug 2011

I want some style/fashion advice. desperately.
I wish I had a personal stylist.

I want some more followers on twitter, please.

its been raining cats and dogs! nothing new.
bored and hungry.



zaza at 1:08 pm

0 angels shot me

25 Jul 2011

soul in my learning curve.

i am a dreamer. i see things you dont. i can see beneath the obvious; far and beyond. but not to infinity. i will leave that for Buzz Lightyear. i have learnt that not everyone can see things the way i do, and thats fine.

i am stubborn. when i make decisions, i stick to them. even though the world will tell me i am in the wrong. but i dont care, because i dont want to care. it is my decision, and mine alone. right or wrong. i make mistakes and learn from them, just like you. i am human, in case you failed to notice. behind my smile, i too carry pain.

i cannot stand men who abuse and misuse their status as 'man' - i hate people who are the worlds biggest hypcocrites, and talk about religion as if they are so pious and 'religious.' i cannot stand 2 faced people, and have learnt from my mistakes to keep distance. i have learnt that to some people, i may be a 2 faced idiot. and thats fine too.

i have learnt that there is a lot of soul and energy in my learning curve of life, and this life in my learning curve is increasing everyday. i am more aware.

and that is fine.

zaza at 9:24 pm

0 angels shot me

the one who tried to be fashionable, but never quite got it right.

zaza at 7:42 pm

0 angels shot me

6 Jul 2011

The dressing table mirror,
Plates, cups, saucers,
Your beloved mobile
My glass eye, your sunglasses
My camera, your framed photo
My Phillips shaver, your toothbrush
Your window, my door handle
Your nails, my teeth
The television or
The vase with the glass rose
Your laptop, my precious CD’s
Our dog’s back bone,

Darling, sweet darling,
Of all the things you could break,
Why did you break my heart?

Zainab Bhatti

zaza at 9:50 pm

4 angels shot me

I do hope I can revive my blog with words, for words are all I have.

zaza at 9:42 pm

0 angels shot me


Your white vest
has a hole
on the top corner
on the right.

Your blue boxers
are hanging low
and are not
where they are supposed to go.

Theres a beauty spot
on your you know what


i saw right through you.

zainab bhatti

zaza at 9:37 pm

0 angels shot me

I really like the poem 'IF' by Rudyard Kipling.

zaza at 9:28 pm

0 angels shot me

I think I am back.

Wounds have healed.
The pain now is distant and dim.
Like a shining star?

I think I am back.
Stronger. And I'll be here for longer.
But I am not sure.

zaza at 9:13 pm

0 angels shot me

29 Mar 2011

i wonder if you still visit my blog and leave electronic footprints.

zaza at 5:42 pm

2 angels shot me


zaza at 5:41 pm

0 angels shot me

4 Feb 2011

and when it was time to walk away, you ran.

zaza at 10:30 pm

0 angels shot me

27 Jan 2011

Taha: "i want a new brother!"

Mum: "Cant get u one now,"

Taha: "Just grow one!! Eat lots and lots of food so you get really fat, and go to the doctor and tell him to take it out of your tummy..but eat all the food in the world first to get fat.."

zaza at 2:41 pm

0 angels shot me

26 Jan 2011

dear God.
thank You. lots.

zaza at 9:04 pm

0 angels shot me

12 Jan 2011

Everything happens for the best. eventually, everything slots into place and you think ah! now i get it! we come across things in life that help us change for the better. i will end this post before i have even started it. i hope everyone is doing well and i hope your troubles slot into place when the time is right. Peace. x

zaza at 7:20 pm

2 angels shot me

19 Nov 2010

your time to shine.

i fought, i swore, you died and then i cried and wished i valued you more instead of just walking out the door when you needed me most as you hopped from door to door and travelled from coast to coast.

there is something within me that has broken beyond repair and pain stares at me, totally aware that i can never have you and you are not there. sometimes the pain dulls down but sometimes it comes back with a vengence, teaching me a thing or two about putting myself in other peoples shoe.

sometimes i bleed and try not to pay heed to the stone that makes me stumble and fall to the floor as i crumble.

there are some things in this world that are beyond our reach and they teach us a few things and highlight the pain that this world is bound to bring.

i dont blog now but i am glad i have not shut this place down because i guess its something i can turn to when the going gets tough.


zaza at 10:49 pm

0 angels shot me

7 Oct 2010

omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. omg.
omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. omg. omg.

zaza at 11:45 pm

4 angels shot me

30 Aug 2010

the script!

zaza at 10:39 pm

2 angels shot me

6 Aug 2010

bitch, please.

zaza at 3:18 pm

2 angels shot me

30 Jun 2010

the big move

i am being a traitor and going to a different world: moving to wordpress.
can i say thank you to everyone who has ever been on my crazy world here?
i will post a link up soon.

its been good,

zaza at 10:15 pm

0 angels shot me

3 Apr 2010

my dear God. help me please in times of happiness and in times of distress, for without You i am a hopeless nobody.

zaza at 1:17 am

2 angels shot me