29 Nov 2007life is ass.
you are my life.
so you are ass.
zaza at 10:19 pmI hold his hand, sometimes, and I find myself hoping that he would read my mind. But I take into account that this bitch of a reality is too unkind. This strong force of invisible love that surrounds us is so convincing, but no one really cares if two hearts are mincing. A blow to my head might cause my brains to spill but if you hold me close I don’t think it will. We can do it on the couch or we can do it on the table but be careful, my love, I’m emotionally unstable.
zaza at 6:07 pm
27 Nov 2007this wound just wont heal. the best plaster in the world wont mend this wound. no amount of time will mend this wound. time doesnt heal everything. this wound is eternal; this wound is a scar that signifies the meaning of forever.
zaza at 9:14 pm
26 Nov 2007I have noticed that I sound completely ridiculous whenever I try explaining to a non Muslim why I don’t keep boyfriends, talk to random guys, or kiss and experiment around. Like the question was that why can’t you have a boyfriend, its not like you would be hurting anyone? I took a deep breath and [tried] explaining how we are meant to be virgins until we get married, and how having that kind of relationship before marriage would just be wrong, that I could easily smoke, drink and have boyfriends and the rest of it at university, but I chose not to because it would just feel wrong.
such a bitch.
Such a frustrated bitch I tell you.
But I guess you all already know that.
zaza at 11:56 pm
25 Nov 2007im just not cut in the right places. neither do i sparkle as brightly as happy faces. im not a diamond. i never was. ive got streaks of mud on my face, a grazed knee with traces of blood trickling down it. ive got dirt in my nails, my hair is stringy and greasy. im wearing a big smile on my face and thats all that matters. then i wake up and reality sucks me back into a deep, dark abyss of nothingness, which has an entrance door but no exit. dreams seem like a million miles away yet i dare not sleep incase i dream of unrealistic happiness once again. i feel so trapped; torn between the past and the present and anxious about what the future holds. im trying to find a way out of the abyss, knowing my efforts are of no use. i almost deafen myself by screaming out my heart yet not one person hears me out. not one. not even one.
im home to a soul thats always burning
i own a brain thats always churning
zaza at 9:05 am
21 Nov 2007There is a heavy, heart ripping silence surrounding us. I want to say so much more, but I can’t. My tongue has suddenly dissolved in my mouth and I can’t speak anymore. I want to do so much more but I can’t. Even if I wanted to. Something stops me. An invisible train of thought perhaps; something that I cannot see. Or something that is unclear. I wish these emotional rushes would leave me alone. But no. Clingy, insatiable bastards. I wish I couldn’t feel a thing. I wish I was completely numb. I wish my emotions would die a painful death. But, sadly, I know that’s not happening. But who cares? Life has never felt better and I’m so glad you’re no longer with me.
zaza at 4:36 pmi cannot believe im saying this...
but im thinking of shutting this place down.
im not liking my blog at all.
perhaps its just a phase.
perhaps its just a state of mind.
zaza at 1:37 pm
20 Nov 2007im an Aquarius.
what are you?
zaza at 1:13 am
17 Nov 2007life. you know what life feels like right now?
its like im sitting in a rocket...
ahh fuck it im sick of writing how i fucking feel.
zaza at 11:51 pm
15 Nov 2007i love it when people speak in urdu and assume that i do not understand what they are saying.
zaza at 2:16 pm
12 Nov 2007taha: *picking his nose*
mama: tahaaaaa kia kar ray ho!!?
taha: *seriously* mama iss mei rock hai.
zaza at 11:16 am
11 Nov 2007Love is a land of no return
Love is a flame that will forever burn
Love is red like the blood in my veins
Love is my master pulling tightly on my reins
Love is making love to me and breaking my every bone
Love is making my crumbling heart turn into stone
Love is beating me black and blue
Love is making me forget everything
But the worth of you.
zaza at 10:58 am
10 Nov 2007everytime i think, it hurts real bad.
its like someones dragging me by the hair through a bed of thorns.
i wish i could stop thinking .
i cant bear it. any. more.
why me god dammit why always me.
zaza at 6:30 pm
9 Nov 2007And if you’re ever gone, forever,
I will bring myself back to you.
Wear my life on my sleeve,
If I have to,
Let life spiral out of control,
Like weeds amongst flowers,
Not shave my hair,
Tear out my heart and feed it to your dog,
I swear I will, if I have to
If it will bring me
Back to you
zaza at 12:26 amit is fucking crazy how it takes just a tiny piece of pessimistic thought to drive all the optimism away.
zaza at 12:02 am
8 Nov 2007
just a little something i cooked upLaugh at your weaknesses
Strengthen your strengths
And go at terrible lengths
And don’t care if it’s showing
Life isn’t so bad
You’ve just got to keep going.
Cry when you want to
You may be weird but be proud
Do what you think is best
Without wondering if it’s allowed
And don’t care if it’s showing
Life isn’t that bad
You’ve just got to keep going.
zaza at 10:06 pm
M, and her sister and i went crazy at Nandos.
everyone stared and i swear, for once, i really didnt care.
zaza at 6:44 pm
7 Nov 2007I used to eat chalk and pencil lead when I was younger.
I’ve got OCD-ish traits. For example when putting on deodorant, the number of sprays on the right need to be the same as the number of sprays on the left otherwise I get a weird ache in my legs.
I have always thought that Chinese/Japanese people have no sexual feelings.
The longest time I’ve ever spent on the computer, without a break, is 20 hours.
When I reach the limit of feeling miserable, I listen to cheap Indian songs and it sortof helps.
And that, for now, is all.
zaza at 11:43 am
6 Nov 2007
i LOVE my teddy!
zaza at 8:10 pm
3 Nov 2007You can sell your ass to get a person out of trouble. And once that trouble is over, the person will forget you ever sold your ass for them so you can forget you ever sold your ass. Damn. Though you know that was to happen in the first place. Double damn. Fuckety fuck damn.
That is life. I’m trying to change it. I hate it.
I’m thinking I should smoke some weed.
Just for the thrill, for the love of ‘dares’
Yes I should. I must.
Or maybe we should smoke together.
Me and you. You and me. Us.
I guess I’ll wait.
Misery is such an asshole.
zaza at 7:52 pm
1 Nov 2007
zaza at 9:59 pm